CHRONICLES OF BOREDOM

Just wondering ...

2011-03-01T21:25:00.000-08:00

When do you give up on someone you're dating? Where's the line? Not the first time he disappoints you, or even the second. But what about the third, the fourth, the fifth?

I disappointed the last guy I loved constantly. It wasn't intentional - I happened to be emotionally bereft at the time, I could barely function, let alone be conscious of another person's needs. But I let him down again and again. He gave me five months of chances, and then one day, he drew the line. And that was it. Done.

Sometimes I wish I had that kind of rigid self-discipline. I've never been good at cutting things off ... I'm a benefit-of-the-doubt kinda girl. But I'm in a place in my life where I just don't want to put up with bullshit (if you're asking "Is there ever a time in your life when you put up with bullshit?" the answer is HELL yes. High school and college.)

The irony I can't get over is that I'm probably the least demanding, least needy, least high-maintenance I've ever been. In fact, my baseline requirements for men I date are pretty freaking simple: do what you say you're going to do, when you say you're going to do it, and be cognizant of how your behavior may affect my feelings. In other words, just be considerate. Seriously, is that really so damn difficult?

In my head I keep thinking "Wow. I cannot believe he's fucking this up."

THIS DOES NOT BODE WELL...

2011-03-01T21:15:00.000-08:00

It's 11:17 am and I've ALREADY eaten a chocolate chip cookie. In addition to the egg & cheese on a croissant I devoured at 11:13 am. I sort of feel like ralphing, actually. One shouldn't have that kind of food in the morning. Or ever, really.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

2009-06-05T21:06:00.000-07:00

I'm not usually the "quote" type of person (I also don't forward "hilarious" chain emails. It is one of my best qualities), but I ran across this today while cleaning out my overstuffed Ideas folder ... and I thought it was pretty dead on. I'm not sure why exactly human beings expect to feel identically about their friends & lovers at every single moment, but perhaps the first step to combating this (and thus, the disappointment that arises when we're surprised by the natural ups and downs of our emotions, and those of our companions) is to simply realize it and accept it, and see how we feel the next day.

"When you love someone, you do not love them all the time in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet, this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of time and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible in life, as in love, is in growth, in fluidity in freedom. The only real security is not owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was, nor forward to what it might be, but living in the present and accepting it as it is now. For relationships, too, must be like islands. One must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits islands surrounded and interrupted by the sea, continuously visited and abandoned by the tides. Once must accept the serenity of the winged life, ebb and flow, of intermittency."
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

QUOTE OF THE DAY

2009-06-05T21:00:00.000-07:00

"I've always thought that you would ruin the life of at least one very important person."
-One of my bestfriends on the phone with me today.-

Oh c'mon....! One???! Talk about aiming low. I bet if i really work at it, i can ruin THREE or FOUR VIP's lives..! LOL

So You Wanna Be ... A Condom Tester?

2009-06-05T12:18:00.000-07:00

Name: Mike Harrison
Age: Old with a British Accent
School: Manchester Metropolitan University in the UK – degree in Chemistry, Phd in Polymer Chemistry
Official Title: Senior Principal Scientist for Trojan
Cool Title: Condom Tester
How, exactly, does one test condoms? Just put ‘em on and see what happens?
No. The main stability test involves unrolling the condom onto a specialized post and forcing air into it until it expands to 40 liters in size. Then you measure the pressure when the condom bursts.

So basically you make condom balloons?
Yeah.

What happens after that?
We give the condoms to live consumers in a market research test – they use them four times and then report back. The fit, the feel, was it a pleasurable experience, was it a negative experience?

What if the guy was just bad in bed? Would you still blame the condom?
Umm …

How long does it take to develop a condom?
For a simple condom at least 12 months. For the more complicated it can take 4-5 years. We have a lot of brainstorming sessions.

Those must be fun. What’s the best part of your job?
It’s great to help the consumer get the protection and pleasure they need – we’re really providing a public service. It’s quite serious business; condoms are a class two medical device.

Uh-huh, right, right. But do you get free condoms?
Er, yes. More than I could ever use.

What do people say when you first tell them what you do?
They don’t believe me.

Do they ask for free condoms?
They never think to ask that straight away – they’re more in shock. They ask later!

What’s the most popular Trojan condom?
The number one seller in the states is Trojan ENZ – in the light blue box – it sold 46 million last year.

That’s a lot of safe sex. Or hopeful men. How many different kinds of Trojan condoms are there? Do you have them memorized?
Not really … I know them by color. Trojan’s been around for over 90 years, and there are over 30 types, I think.

What’s your favorite?
Warm sensations.

Not Magnum? Are the magnum condoms really bigger or is that just to make guys feel more manly?
Only the Magnum XL is actually bigger. Regular Magnum condoms can be worn my any man as the base is the same size as any condom.

Busted! What’s the smallest condom?
I’m not sure that we have a small condom.

You should. Do you guys take into account the average penis size?
We have a company that runs large clinical trials – they have a condom measuring kit – which measures the length of the erect penis and the girth of the midpoint.

If a guy says “oh this condom doesn’t fit me, it’s too small,” is he lying?
Well … latex is pretty stretchable.

I knew it.

CONDOM QUICK FACTS
- Total condoms sold (all brands) last year: 317 million
- Total Trojan condoms sold last year: 217 million
- Earliest known condoms were linen sheathes fashioned by the ancient Egyptians
- Some of the odder innovations include condoms made from tortoise shell
- Latex condoms were first introduced in the 1800's, thanks to Charles Goodyear's invention of rubber vulcanization

CHECK THIS OUT

2009-06-04T21:47:00.000-07:00

There’s a nickname generator online that asks you to type in your first and last name, and it will generate creative terms of endearment for you. When I typed in my name, it came up with: “Puppie pot chocolate kisses bon bon.” Not sure how they derived that from Eva Marie Oyola, but ...um ... I suppose at least it’s imaginative. Although when I typed in the name of a friend, it came up with “Butter Hot Pooh Peepers.” I might just use that one instead.

TERMS OF ENDEARMENT

2009-06-04T21:39:00.000-07:00

I once had a friend in college who shunned the usual terms of endearment – the babys, the sweeties, even the pumpkins – and instead affectionately dubbed her boyfriend “Pooper.” He, (because really, how does one top that?), also called her Pooper. Did I mention they said it in baby voices? They did.
Ew?
Yeah, yeah, a rose by any other name and all that. I get it. But really ... POOPER??
Actually, despite my aversion to romantic monikers involving bodily functions, I’m a big fan of personalized (if perplexing) pet names, myself. They’re unique! They can’t be reused, like the all-purpose “BABY”! They speak of a connection deeper and more intimate than the one-size-fits-all “darling”! And yeah, sometimes only you and your partner understand them. My friend bella and her ex called each other Bidden #1 and Bidden #2 for years. Which might have been cuter if the term hadn’t started out as a nickname for her shih-tzu puppies. Or maybe their furry origin is what makes them cute in the first place.
Pet names that began as actual pet names are more common than you’d think. Rachel, 34, a lawyer, explains that she called her ex “Schnoogie,” a nickname for her dog. “He would be like, ‘I’m not a fucking dog,’ and then laugh.’” Jeff, 30, an editor, and his wife, Carina, 30, a doctor, call each other “Chicken,” originally their cat’s name.
“First of all, we started doing it because that's what old man Karamazov calls his little prostitute in The Brother Karamazov, so it has major highbrow bona fides,” he says. “Except that we didn't actually start doing it to each other. It was what we called our cat. But then we had to give the cat back to my sister, and we had this great nickname and no cat to use it on.”
Or sometimes the epithets just sound like what you’d name your animal.

“I like to call my man Spot and he calls me Killer,” says Natalie, 25, an artist. Aww. “And if you think that’s cute, my dad calls my mom ‘The dead vessel.’ I think it means that they are done having children. Whatever. ‘Is the dead vessel speaking again?’ he'll say with this grin on his face. My mom calls my dad ‘sperm donor.’ Yup. The love runs pretty deep in our household.”
Some couples use pet names to the exclusion of all else. “Nicole only ever calls me ‘Nate’ if she’s angry, and likewise, it freaks her out if I call her ‘Nicole,’” says Nate, 32, a reporter, of his girlfriend of almost two years. “My main pet name for her is ‘biscuit.’ Sometimes I call her ‘pickle,’ which she doesn’t like as much. When she’s PMSing I call her Crazylove, which she doesn’t like at all.”
Pickle? How ... romantic? Although, that wasn’t the weirdest I heard over the course of researching couples’ nicknames. Try: “Llama,” “Blanket,” “Colt,” “Tiger Twinkies,” and “Moo.”
“I had a French beau who called me PETIT CHOU and MA PUCE - which means my little cabbage and my flea – and I wondered – are these COMPLIMENTS???” says Karen Salmanson, host of the Sirius radio show Be Happy Damnit. She got off easy. “Had he been from el Salvador I would have been called MI GORDITA -- which means MY FATTY!”
“My sister dated a guy she called ‘Fish Boy,’” says Brent, 25, writer. “And a guy I used to work with called his girlfriend ‘Dead Tooth Crack Ho’ (which is a surprisingly descriptive pet name).”
Wow. Pooper’s starting to sound pretty good.
Still, some people aren’t big fans of odd, overly gushy love handles. “Pet names are for little dogs that fit in handbags, not the person you love,” says Jeremy, 33, a lawyer. “Why? Because it’s cutesie, juvenile crap, people are people, not pets. Pet names belong in high school relationships not between adults.”
“I once knew a guy who called his girlfriend ‘Honey,’” says Jane, 32, a writer. “which we all thought was so sweet until he admitted (not to her) that he did it when he couldn't remember her name. She married someone else. He’s still single.”
See? Use terms of endearment blasphemously and you’ll be smote.

---****---

2008-12-03T08:55:00.000-08:00

How many guys do we ever hit it off with? Very few, and even if we do, those relationships don’t last, and even if they did, men die first, so we’re right back where we started.

— oh, Carrie Bradshaw. Season 5, episode 3. Yes, I watched two more episodes tonight, because the damn insomnia’s back. Worth it, though. SATC, despite what every more-hipster-than-thou New Yorker now feels, is just straight up classic. And I certainly take something different from it now than when I first watched, oh-so-naive, at age 20. Go back and check out some old ‘sodes yourself. You’ll see.

You’re Special

2008-11-24T16:28:00.000-08:00

I came across a post on John Mayer’s blog this morning. In it, he talks about the disease of self-consciousness, although what I think he’s really talking about is the over-reaching effects of ego identification.

We live in a culture that celebrates mediocrity and he’s right when he says that we’ve all grown up being told how special we are, how talented, beautiful, intelligent and how we really can do anything. John seems to believe that we’re all rather ordinary (”beautifully unspectacular,”) but I think he misses the point.

I don’t believe anyone is ordinary. To get metaphysical, we’re all divine beings here, we just don’t seem to recognize that. Instead, we’re trapped in an endless cycle of comparison and consumption and never feeling good enough but still striving for that golden ring of success, fame, wealth. As if that is the answer to not feeling special enough.

American culture especially dangles that carrot in front of us, alternately telling us that we deserve the best of everything while also letting us know that we just don’t measure up until we reach an Oprah-level of success. It’s really where all that self-help ideology (”You can do and be anything you dream”) originated from—trying to get people to start accepting and loving themselves. Unfortunately, the dream got twisted into everyone trying to get everyone else to recognize, admire and love them. Hence, you have 5-year-olds being paraded around in makeup and satin ballgowns, all on the rocky road to fame and fortune.

Along with reading John’s post, I came across a video of Paris Hilton attempting to bellydance at the televised Miss Turkey pageant, for which she was a celebrity judge. She was awkward and uncomfortable onstage and proved how mediocre she is. At the same time, she proved that even without great talent or beauty or intelligence, she can still have a stratospheric amount of recognition and money and a bonafide successful career.

After all, I (and millions of other people) took 3 minutes out of our day to marvel at her ridiculous dancing. I’ve also read enough about Paris to know that her grandmother repeatedly told her as she was growing up, “You’re going to be more famous than Marilyn Monroe. You’re going to become the most famous woman in the world.” Granny wasn’t wrong, but couldn’t she have just given Paris some hugs and cookies?

To complete my celebrity trifecta, I then read this quote from Madonna in Q Magazine. “What else is there for me to conquer? Hopefully my ego. How will I know when I’ve succeeded? When I stop caring what anyone thinks.”

She’s right. Of course, Madonna does have the luxury of her own enormous wealth and fame to not care anymore what anyone thinks and kick her ego’s ass. She’s certainly proven that she’s conquered the system. But considering she’s stumping for her latest album, Hard Candy, by showing off how fabulous she still looks at fifty, I’d say it only gets harder to not care what people think the more successful you get.

So how do you feel special if you’re not famous or gorgeous or rich or wearing the right clothes and carrying the “It” bag or having a successful career in the public eye? How can anyone really be happy with less than 100,000 MySpace friends? If no one’s talking about you or reading your blog or paparazzi-hounding you, how can you be a vital and important part of society? If you don’t have your own reality show or sex tape, then are you really real?

To anyone who buys into any of the above bullshit and that’s exactly what is it—bullshit—I send you all my love and caring because yes, you are so freaking special, every last one of you down to every last bit of you. You don’t have to do or be or prove anything for it. And next time I see you, I’ll happily give you a hug, and maybe even a cookie, if I could just figure how to work this damn oven out.

WOW

2008-09-17T19:21:00.000-07:00

Every woman in the history of the world, at one point or another, has voiced complaints to the man she's seeing - and it is our collective fantasy (something which almost always remains a fantasy) that said man actually listen to our complaints, take time to reflect upon them, and then - holy crap - maybe ... evolve ?!?!

This is one of those (tragically rare) instances, and all I have to say is, if every guy so freely admitted his mistakes, no one would get any work done. They'd all be busy having incredibly hot makeup sex.

On second thought, maybe it's good men are, on the whole, relentlessly stubborn - if only to protect our GDP.

FUNNIEST BIRTHDAY CARD EVER!

2008-09-12T00:30:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine gave me this card for my birthday...now if this isn't the funniest card ever, then i don't know what is!

P.S. You have to read it with the best italian accent u can possible muster! hehehe

PORN AND SWORDS

2008-09-07T22:29:00.000-07:00

Not THOSE swords, you sickie. The real kind.

This recent AP story is a fantastic example of NOT burying the lead ...

PORN DVD SCREAMS PROMPT SWORD 'RESCUE'

A man says he broke into an apartment with a cavalry sword because he thought he heard a woman being raped, but the sound actually was from a pornographic movie his upstairs neighbour was watching.

"Now I feel stupid," said James Van Iveren, who has been charged in the case.

Actually, I think it's sort of sweet. If more neighbours brandished cavalry swords, we might decrease domestic violence (or vibrator usage) significantly.

Although I think my favourite part is further into the article, when it's revealed that "The neighbour later played for police the part of the DVD he believed Van Iveren heard downstairs."

I love that the police were like, "Um, yeah ... we're gonna need to, you know, watch that porn. Just to see, of course. Just doing our job. Just investigating."

Right…!

THE 3 WONDERS OF A WOMAN...

2008-09-03T21:06:00.000-07:00

1. Gives milk without having to eat grass...

2. Gets wet without water...

3. Bleeds for a week without going to die...

and according to a friend of mine, there's two more:

4. Makes boneless things hard... and

5. Makes men wanna eat without having to cook...!

Oh come on...we all need to have a bit of a laugh...*winks*

AM I TOO FRIENDLY?

2008-08-29T10:43:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, I spent a lot of time with my friend Bella, who had a traumatic incident on Friday in the Coles parking lot. We were in her car when we spotted her ex with his new girlfriend. Actually, she's not new. Bella found out a few weeks ago that he had been dating them both at the same time.

When we saw him, I didn't have much time to react, but I think I waved. Afterwards, I kept asking, "Did I wave? Did I just wave at him?" I might have even smiled--it's my default expression. Now, this ex did a selfish, dishonest thing, but deep down he is a good human being. What should I have done? Abandon my manners and flip him the bird? It's hard for me to show anger, but if I'm nice to Bella's ex, then am I a pushover who doesn't stand up for herself or her friend, or womankind? What is the proper reaction to seeing an ex in a grocery store parking lot? Surely it's not a friendly wave?

----*****-----

2008-08-25T21:58:00.000-07:00

My friend called me last night as I was washing the dishes. "Do you think I'm a slut?" she asked. "Um, no. Do you think I am?" I said. I had no idea where she was going with this. My girl is 30, has a high-powered career, owns her own place and I'd trust her with my own child (if I had one). Above all, she barely dates and is more of a relationship girl. Slut? Not quite.

I pressed: "Why would I think that?" She ranted: "Met a suit at the hotel bar where my business meeting was. He bought me drinks and a cheese plate and I took him home. We had sex [dude sprung for a cheese plate, you better had--I kid, I kid!]. Sex in my bed, then in the shower." I'm still not following. She's a 30-year-old woman who I know for a fact is on the Pill, so it's not like she was going to get storked! And she told me he used a condom both times, so she did play it safe.

Here's why she thinks she's a "slore": In the morning before he left he gave her his number and asked if she'd like to have dinner this weekend (aw, sweet!), but as soon as the door shut behind him, she threw out his number. "Why?" I asked. "There was something very pushy about him and he seemed too comfortable in my apartment," she said. When I asked what that meant, she said before they fell asleep he turned the TV on and watched the news. Um, OK? So?

Personally, I would have gone to dinner with the dude, I mean there was an obvious physical attraction, right? This got me thinking, are one night stands ever OK? My opinion: She's a consensual adult, on the Pill and they used a condom--twice. She's a single woman who had a little fun. So not a slut. And what's up with women thinking of themselves as sluts, anyway?! That word has got to go.

Because Nothing Says Bridal Wear Like a Totally Naked Man

2008-08-19T20:32:00.000-07:00

Wedding season's coming up. Trying to find something to go with that brand new bridal gown you just bought? How about a completely naked dude?

While surfing TheKnot.com the other night with my friend Melissa, we stumbled upon these ACTUAL PHOTOGRAPHIC ADS depicting possible future wedding dresses.

At first, we were confused. What the hell was a naked man doing there? Did he come with? Because that sounds like a really good deal, except that most normal women, when actively searching for a wedding dress, have the whole "man" thing pretty much covered.

Furthermore, when these women think about their future wedding dress, they probably aren't like, "Wow, I really love this dress, but the thing that would make me want to buy it even more is if I could see it pictured with a totally naked man who isn't in any way my fiance rubbing his totally naked body against its pristine white fabric!"

Although maybe there are discounts for stains?

Um, honey ... this is fine for the wedding dress ad photos, but I'm going to insist you wear a tux to the wedding. No. Seriously. 'NUDE' DOES NOT WORK WITH MY COLOUR SCHEME.

TAG FROM FEL

2008-08-19T00:18:00.000-07:00

I am: overworked, overplayed but still overjoyed (somehow) lol.
I think: about cutting my hair short but I just don’t have the guts to do it. .
I know: who my real friends are….to all of u fakers…I’m on to u! hehehe
I have: to lose weight!.
I wish: I were more disciplined with my diet.
I hate: people who are nice to your face but will stab from behind. COWARDS!
I miss: my pilates classes!
I fear: death and perpetual loneliness….
I hear: my phone ringing but I don’t wanna answer it...i’ve been trying to dodge someone’s call all day. lol
I smell: very good right now. Chanel Chance Baby! lol
I crave: for that massive pork knuckle at Una’s.
I search: for anyone who can give me a cerebral discourse on why yawning is contagious. lol.
I wonder: why men can be so dense sometimes.
I regret: eating those cupcakes that my friend sent me.
I love: my family and friends….
I ache: when I see dogs being abused.
I am not: easily swayed by public opinion.
I believe: that one shouldn’t wait for tomorrow to start living his/her life..
I dance: like no one’s watching.
I sing: when I’m happy or excited or lonely..
I cry: over almost anything. I once went to a wedding (where I didn’t know the bride nor the groom as I was just a tag along to my date) and I WAS A MESS!. lol
I fight: for anything that I believe in.
I win: almost every argument that I have with zee man. lol.
I lose: interest in pretty much anything that’s not stimulating..
I never: apologize for any decisions (good or bad) that I have made..
I always: make sure that I give a compliment when it’s due..
I confuse: no one…I’m pretty transparent!
I listen: to Jason Mraz like every freaking day! Yes yes…I’m obsessed! lol.
I can usually be found: in front of the computer or in the solace of my room writing on my journal or reading a book.
I am scared: of roaches, worms, spiders, snakes, heights and just about everything that’s iffy.
I need: a holiday but I can’t find the time.
I am happy about: how I turned out despite my almost screwed-up childhood...
I imagine: myself in the Bahamas sipping a piña colada! lol

Dream-Invader

2008-08-18T23:07:00.000-07:00

When I’m very tired, like I am now, I always have the weirdest dreams. Last night’s was a doozy…

It started out with some sort of surreal living situation with my latest celeb crush, James McAvoy (sigh). In my dream, though, like in real life I suppose, he was a small guy, slightly taller than me—which was/is kind of disappointing… But what a dreamboat.

Funny aside: As I was looking for a picture of hottie McAvoy, I came across a Korean chick’s blog about her crush on him. What is it about delicate-featured, pasty-faced, blue-eyed white boys with foreign accents that Asian chicks seem to dig? (Although I think the attraction goes both ways…)

Anyway, back to my dream! So it switched from me having a rather depressing relationship with James McAvoy into me being picked to be the surrogate mother to Tom Cruise (speaking of short actors) and Katie Holmes‘ next Scientology baby.

And if that wasn’t weird enough… It actually got to the point where I was in this sterile room, all prepped to be implanted, when Tom Cruise comes in himself with a giant needle to impregnate me. (Right, I get that, Freud.) But instead of putting the needle anywhere near my lady parts, Tom proceeds to stick this giant syringe in my left foot—which hurt like hell, btw. So ta-da! I was impregnated with (get this) 30 embryos in my left foot. They wanted to make sure the pregnancy would take. Of course, I’m thinking it would have taken a lot better if they’d actually put the embryos in my uterus. So I leave the Scientology/IVF office with what is now a swollen, ENORMOUS, ogre-like foot filled with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ 30 possible future babies.

So is that the weirdest dream ever or what? I’m not even going to begin to analyze that one, but I felt that I should blog about it because it was so strange.

Clearly, I need to get more sleep.

My Life Philosophy in One Sentence: Part 1 of 354

2008-08-14T22:13:00.000-07:00

When presented with an opportunity, I think one should not ask “why?” but instead scream “WHY THE HELL NOT!?” and then, to underscore the depth of one’s commitment to optimism, rip off one’s shirt and leap into the air with a giant flying karate kick...! =)

WHO PAYS?

2008-08-14T18:23:00.000-07:00

The other night, my friend dished about a first date. The conversation started out with: "Never. Going. Out. With. Him. Again!"

Apparently he invited her to dinner, but when the check came he asked if they could "split it," and waved the bill in the air. My friend whipped out her debit card in shock. She just assumed he would pay since, as she told me, "He invited ME to the ridiculously overpriced French bistro that was purely lit by stubby candles."

I was torn. He asked her out, on a first date. It's not like they were dating and in the "I got dinner, you pay for the movie" phase. I'd like to think chivalry is not dead and if a guy asks a gal out, he's going to buy her a meal. I've paid for the date when I was the askee. The guy tried to give me money, but I refused and quipped, "You can pay next time," thus securing a second date (score!).

This was a deal breaker for her. Even though she said she'd go out with him again, she fully intends to screen her calls from here on out and even re-saved his name on her mobile as John Cheap.

What are your dating deal breakers? I once nixed date two because on date one, the guy spoke about his mum a lot. He was 30.

SPORTS ILLUSTRATED MAGAZINE

2008-08-13T23:55:00.000-07:00

Sports Illustrated cover model Marisa Miller

Conversation at the Shoot (as imagined by me):

Stylist #1: Oh SHIT. SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.

Stylist #2: What??? What?!!

Stylist #1: I forgot the TOP PART OF THE BIKINI we need to use for the cover shot!

Stylist #2: Oh fuck. You mean the PART THAT GOES OVER HER NAKED BREASTS?!?!

Stylist #1: YES!!! SHITTTTT! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!??!?!

Stylist #2: I know!! I know!!! Take my necklace!!! No one will ever notice the difference!!! It’s not like this is a magazine about SWIMSUITS!

Stylist #1: You are a genius.

British Bulldog

2008-08-13T00:28:00.000-07:00

I have a fairly strict rule on dogs: if they're over 12 kilos and not a jack russel terrier or a shih-tzu, they're not really my type. But this one, which I found in Lygon Street, I just sorta liked. Maybe it was his "fuck you, I don't care if I need braces, I'm badass" attitude ... or maybe it was his drool. But either way, I really, really wanted to take him home with me. Or at least on a photo shoot.

The talk

2008-08-11T03:23:00.000-07:00

I just got a text from a good friend that read "Going to meet the ex--he wants to talk."

They've been broken up for a couple of months and although she seems to be getting on without him, he doesn't.

I've been there. Broken up with someone, then regretted it, then fallen into a can't eat, can't sleep period of blue. I've also endured the "Can we talk?"...talk. Those talks always ended the same way for me. In a split second I'd be overwhelmed by pure attraction and within minutes all was forgiven--until one or two days later when the same, heavy issues surfaced all over again. Sometimes, talks are just about a quick fix, more of an "I miss you" impulse than anything else. Jumping head first into the same old situation ultimately doesn't solve anything. After all, there was a reason for the split, right? Then again, sometimes "talks" actually do the trick and help clear the slate for round two.

Do you believe in second chances?

Here’s To Me, Mrs. Robinson

2008-08-06T23:40:00.000-07:00

I had another one of my weirdo dreams last night. This time, I was staying at a friend’s house for some reason and this friend had a 17-year-old son. A gorgeous, virginal 17-year-old son. And I had to be about forty-five or something in this dream. This was one of those dreams where you’re not really you, you’re someone else.

Anyway, over the course of the week I was staying there, it became obvious that this son (who was heading off to college soon) had a crush on me. So my last night there, I decided to go out with another girlfriend of mine and had the boy sneak out and meet us. Then we both proceeded to seduce him! Whoa… How’s that for your first time? A threesome with a couple of cougars.

Then the dream turned rather stressful because we had to keep his mother, my friend, from finding out what happened and she was quite suspicious to begin with. So that was my dream (with a lot of the sordid details faded to fuzzy memory.)

My analysis? I actually have met a college-bound teenager recently who’s definitely gorgeous (though I can’t say if he’s virginal) and I think it’s making me feel rather like a dirty old lady to admire his brand of youthful beauty. And I think I’m rather shocked to find myself in this position, rather than the one where I’m being admired by dirty old men. But hey, things change… and there’s no harm in looking, right?

MORE TAGS....

2008-07-23T21:16:00.000-07:00

1. When u buy a greeting card, are the words or the pictures more important to u?
both....i get lured by words but i'm very visual as well....

2. What's ur favourite cake?
can't get past my blueberry cheesecake...=)

3. Do u ever make gifts for people? if so, what is it? or do u prefer to buy them?
i know it's slack but i can't be bothered to make gifts anymore...it's more convenient to buy stuff these days...

4. What's ur favourite holiday?
Christmas....

5. Are u going on a holiday this year? if so, where?
I badly need one but i just can't find the time....grrr!

6. What was the best party u've ever been to?
Coffs Harbour 2002...went skinny dipping with a bunch of crazy people...it was liberating and confronting at the same time...i won't do it again though...lol

7. What's ur ideal wedding?
I've always loved intimate weddings...it's more romantic that way....

8. What's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to u?
hmmm...i came home to a nice home cooked meal and my bed was filled with roses and and all my favourite chocolates....=)

9. What's ur favourite girl's name?
Cassandra

10. What's ur favourite boy's name?
Arthur

11. Which celebrity would u like a dream date with?
Gerard Butler....isn't he yummy? plus he's really funny as well so that's 100+ more brownie points! lol

12. Which female celebrity do u find beautiful?
Alyssa Milano

13. Which male celebrity do u find attractive?
I told u Gerard Butler...but if he's not available, i'll settle for Jason Mraz...yes..i'm into geeks these days.

14. What is your best character trait?
I'm very sweet...need i say more?

15. What is ur worst habit?
ummm....not sure...i think i talk a lot...i do talk a lot hey? lol

QUOTE OF THE DAY

2008-07-23T20:56:00.000-07:00

"For women, the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.." =)

~Isabel Allende~

ANOTHER TAG FROM FEL...

2008-05-28T05:07:00.000-07:00

1. What do you want for your birthday?
don’t really know yet…I’ll have to get back to you on this one!
2. Who will be your next kiss?
hmmm…stay tuned...!
3. When was the last time you went to the mall?
A couple of days ago...had to do my winter shopping or I’d be running around naked all season….most of my winter clothes are a little tight on me….!
4. Are you wearing socks right now?
yes ..….!
5. How did you spend your summer?
geez, my summer went by in a blur….! Let me see….We went to Byron Bay where max did his body surfing, then for the most part I was working! I know! I should really stop and smell the roses sometimes! Heheheh
6. Have you been to the cinema in the last 5 days?
Yup…twice! We watched INDIANA JONES and IRON MAN!
7. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Water….i'm pretty bland…hehehe
8. What are you wearing right now?
flannelette pj’s! hehe
9. What was your last purchase?
A white woolen coat! Or was it cream? Something like that!
10. What was the last food you ate?
chicken katsu…I’m loving Japanese cuisine at the moment…!
11. Who would be the person you call if you were up in the middle of the night and couldn’t sleep?
probably chrissy if she's not busy...lol
12. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
sure! Jumpers and jackets!
13. Do you have a pet?
he’s not a pet! He’s a little human with four legs and a tail..!..
14. What made you laugh in the last 5 days?
talking to chrissy over the phone! We always have the best bitching sessions! hehehee
15. If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be?
The Carribean...=)
16. What is the last thing you purchased online?
nothing! I never shop online!
17. One thing you hate about yourself?
i wear my heart on my sleeves....grrr!
18. Do you miss anyone?
hmmm...maybe..but i'm not telling who. lol
19. What are your plans for the day?
not much…will probably just go to newtown and have thai or something...
20. Last person you msg’d?
My brother...i left him a little thank you email for the for the cute little card..hehehe
21. Ever gone camping?
once and I’m never doing it again!
22. Are you a good student in school?
I don’t think so… I kept getting told that I was an underachiever by my teachers! hehehehe
23. What do you know about the (your) future?
nothing much…except that I’ll be better and stronger…and hopefully hotter! (provided that i lose at least 3 kilos-hehehe)
24. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
yup…I’ve got Lovely on…
25. Where is/are your best friend/s right now?
they're all over the world....!

NOW IT'S YOUR TURN....;-)
chrissy, hazel, adie, roche, jhenn, mom lindzy, stella, hermie.

AWARD

2008-05-27T22:29:00.000-07:00

Thanks Fel for this award...!!

So here’s the rule for this award sharing:1.You have to pick 5 blogs that you think deserve this award for their creativity, design, interesting material, and also for contributing to the blogging community, no matter what language.

Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.

Each award winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award itself.

Award-winner and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of “Arte y Pico” blog, so everyone will know the origin of this award. Arte y Pico
Make sure you visit the link above.

I'd tag everyone in my list but it seems you all have it already....! hehehe

BEAUTY SECRETS TAG

2008-05-27T22:02:00.000-07:00

I’m not really one of those girls who are soooo into their looks but I do take care of myself (seriously!). Though I don’t go overboard…..aside from the usual shower and all other compulsory grooming practices, I try to keep it simple (just enough to keep me out of trouble!).

Anyways, here’s some of the stuff that I use or beauty secrets (if that’s what you people prefer to call it…!)

My Foundation: I have one from CLINIQUE in my dresser but I hardly remember to put it on….
My Blush: I prefer to use highlighters on my cheeks….try expert wear bronzer in sunlight from maybeline…
My Day Cream: Can’t get past clinique moisturizing cream.
My Lipstick: I can’t stand wearing lipstick…I’m a lipgloss kinda girl.
My essential product: Napoleon Perdis eye pencil in safari is my saviour.
My favorite Make-up product: Loreal Expert Volumizing Turbo Mascarra in Very Black….it gives me that smokey-eyed look.
My Perfume: At the moment, I’m wearing Chanel Chance but my all time favourite is Valentino V (but they don’t sell it in Australia anymore)….On special occasions, I squirt on my secret weapon---Chanel No. 5. When I want to be more subtle, I go for Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker or Dolce and Gabbana’s Light Blue. When I put it on, it reminds me of going out at night with my girlfriends.
My Nails: I keep them bare most of the time and definitely no acrylic nails! They’re the most uncomfortable accessories you could ever put on!
My Feet: I just wash them when I take a shower....
My hands: I use Clinique Hand cream to moisturize my dry hands everyday.
Three Products to bring on a deserted island: a toothpaste, deodorant and body lotion.
Women I admire for their beauty: Liv Tyler, Miranda Kerr and Eva Longoria.
Women with the best Sense of Style: Gwyneth Paltrow and Jennifer Aniston.
My ultimate dream: Write a screenplay… hhehehe
My favorite fashion Publications: Vogue and Cosmopolitan

EROS....

2008-05-26T22:17:00.000-07:00

“Eros does not exist!”So exclaimed a colleague of mine last night over dinner. I was shocked. She is a beautiful, intelligent, and passionate fashionista with a cause… who has access to many of life’s gifts and who probably holds the key to many men’s hearts—how could she say that Eros does not exist??She was seconded by another workmate of mine—a great poet, playwright, filmmaker, and creative genius who, in the pursuit of his One Muse here on Earth, has awoken all the other muses of the heavens and has probably swept them off their wings and into the harem of his mind.I was shattered. How could my friends—these amazingly talented and passionate individuals—no longer believe in magic, in passion, in destiny, in all these wonderful things that make love maddening yet sobering, that make life chaotic yet serene? How could they turn their backs on the madness and embrace a life that is staid, bland, and… dead?

YOU CAN NEVER PLEASE EVERYONE…!

2008-05-25T20:46:00.000-07:00

One of the most valuable lessons that I’ve learned whilst growing up is TO KEEP IT REAL… to ALWAYS BE TRUE TO YOURSELF no matter what kind of issues you’re going through. I remember a conversation that I once had with one of my high school bestfriends-----she told me to stop trying too hard to make everybody like me coz it’s never gonna happen. It is only when I grew older that I truly grasped the real significance of what she said to me. Ironically though, I find myself doing the same thing these days. I seem to keep falling into the same trap over and over again.
I have to say that it is such a very unhealthy trait to have---not to mention exhausting! But I guess I do it to avoid (as much as I can) any divergence in my life. And by doing so, I make myself totally oblivious to the fact that I’m not really doing myself any favour by constantly striving to please everyone else around me. A very wise man (my dad) once said that if EVERYBODY LOVES YOU THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO, THEN YOU WON’T BECOME A BETTER PERSON. He couldn’t be more right!
After taking into consideration all the more recent experiences (growing pains) that I went through, I now realize (COMPLETELY) that it is utterly impossible to satisfy everyone. No matter how many times you win the “MISS CONGENIALITY” title, someone out there will still hate your guts for reasons that only they could substantiate. But that doesn’t make you a cast-off. It just means that you’re REAL….and that you don’t need everyone else’s approval to validate your sense of SELF-WORTH.

SERENDIPITY WALKS

2008-05-25T20:45:00.002-07:00

There’s a certain kind of grace that comes with walking without expectations, in just letting your feet guide you and allowing your senses to become fully absorbed in the walk itself. It is not walking to burn calories; neither is it walking to be on your way to somewhere. It is simply walking for the sake of walking. This is what I call my “Serendipity Walk.”When I go on a Serendipity Walk, I ask the stars to “lead me to whatever I need to see.” I usually start off in a comfortable place, such as in a mall, and then let my feet take me to wherever they feel I need to be (within the bounds of safety and reason, of course). Such walks have led me to great conversations with strangers, shopping finds that I would normally not see on a regular shopping trip, or gems of wisdom disguised as signposts, posters, book titles, shop names, and greeting cards. Of course, such a walk also presupposes that one has the time to walk without expectation, and so I do this when (a) there is absolutely nothing better to do in my to-do list, or (b) I feel that my brain’s batteries are dead and need to be recharged.Sometimes, though, I find that it’s best to go on a Serendipity Walk PRECISELY when you’re tired and overwhelmed and you just need some space. The act of clearing out a bit of your schedule and just letting all urgencies fly off into the air can be a liberating and enlivening experience.

Here's to Serendipity, and to allowing ourselves to be led by our souls. May your Walks be as pleasant as mine have been!

LOVE THY SELF

2008-05-25T20:45:00.001-07:00

I say it without shame: I love myself for who I am and what I have become! And credit goes to the Little Eva who loved playing with remote control cars, robots, built Lego towns and then made short animated clips out of the characters there, who kept diary after diary filled with poems, stories, and odes to then-crushes. I am a product of the choices that I had made as a child, and it’s only through the power of hindsight that I can say that I am happy to have made those choices.

My childhood wasn’t perfect, though. I grew up lonely and self-conscious. People (family, friends and strangers alike) ostracized me for being a little too overweight and that unfortunately crippled my self-belief (until now to a certain extent). But I managed to get through it (though it was unbearably painful at times) by being everybody’s teddy bear. It was the only way I know that people would respond to me in a positive mode.Ironically, however, it was in facing the scars and facing the pain once again that I have learned to make peace with myself. There are certain things that can no longer be changed, but these all carry valuable lessons that I will bring with me as I move forward. When I came face to face with myself and saw things as they were, I appreciated once more how everything turned out the way they did. It’s like that wonderful pause in the middle of a conversation with your best friend when you sigh contentedly and say, “Things have a funny way of working out, don’t they?” They sure do.

CRYING

2008-05-25T20:43:00.001-07:00

Shedding tears is something I do quite easily. Whenever I see a sappy commercial or movie, hear a memorable song, or find myself in a particularly moving moment, the tears very easily fall from my eyes. But I hardly let myself cry. Crying, to me, is something that springs from the depths of my heart and soul and pours out onto the open world for everyone to see. Although I’m quite open when I write, I am not so when I cry. If I can avoid crying and letting my emotions overwhelm me, I do.
But this is also why, when I do cry, it sometimes feels like I’m approaching the verge of a nervous breakdown. The triggers vary, as does the depth of the well of tears. Sometimes it seems like the pain won’t go away, that the tears won’t run out, and that I just might run out of breath trying to catch it.
This article that I found in my inbox, which the Universe sent my way this morning, is a good reminder to just let the feelings flow. Crying isn’t a sign of weakness; being unable to handle our emotions well is.

Taken from the Daily Om:
Most of us have had the experience of holding back our emotions for such a long period of time that when they finally come out, we have something resembling a breakdown. This is because we are releasing feelings that have accumulated over a long period of time, and whatever inspired the release was just a catalyst for a much larger, much needed catharsis.
When we find ourselves in the midst of such an experience, it is important that we allow it to happen, rather than fight it or try to shut down. Wherever we are, we can try to find a private, safe place in which to let our feelings out. If we can not access such a place immediately, we can promise to set aside some time for ourselves at our earliest possible convenience, perhaps taking a day off work. The important thing is that we need to give our emotional system some much-needed attention.

HUSBANDS

2008-05-25T20:41:00.002-07:00

Where do you find good ones? I've been asked so many times. Well, how would I know? I haven’t found one for myself.What's a good husband, anyway? Someone who runs at your bidding? That would be your dog. Someone who lets you shop till you drop? That would be your father. Someone who listens to your never-ending woes? That would be your best friend. Someone who loves you no matter what? That would be your mother. Someone who knows exactly how to bring you pleasure? That would be you.I think men who make good husbands abound. But what is good for one woman is not necessarily good for all. One man can make one woman, a good husband. The same man can make another, a lousy one. We grow up in different homes. We come from different backgrounds. And so we bring different expectations to a marriage.One woman might expect love and fidelity. Another expects financial security. Some women marry for love. Others marry for tradition. Some women expect eternal marital bliss while others are more than willing to make a few sacrifices. Some women are forgiving and some are not open to compromise.Different expectations conjure up different images of good husbands. Who doesn't want a man who can cook, write poetry and move your furniture around? Well, I don't. I want a man who can do what I can't do. But that, my mother would say, is my biggest problem. But I (honestly) don't have a problem with a man who can’t do the things that I do. It's them who usually have a problem with that.I think that a good husband is someone who does not necessarily love everything that you think, say or do but someone who endeavors to accept your eccentricities and flaws because his love for you is larger than his priorities and preferences. A good husband is a man who loves you for who you are and all that you hope to be in an imperfect world.At different stages in my life, I vacillated on the best reasons for getting married. When I was young and starry-eyed, it was love. When I grew older and more cynical, it became convenience. Now that I am much older but unexpectedly happier, I believe with all my heart that it should never be for anything else but love.So, where do you find good husbands? Well, every woman should know. Looking for a good husband is much like going shopping. When you know what you want, it's fast and easy. But when you walk aimlessly through the mall, you mostly end up with impulse goods or nothing at all. If you want to find the man you want, you need to find yourself first. After all, it's pretty easy to find what you want when you know what it is, even in the crowd.

RESOLUTIONS

2008-05-25T20:41:00.001-07:00

The new year brings to mind new year resolutions. I’ve never really had any since I was a child. I was never any good at them anyway. As a child, my new year resolutions almost always revolved around being less stubborn and becoming more obedient. That never happened. Each year, I’d promise I would talk less, listen to the teacher more and not get into trouble. But somehow, this was just something beyond me. And so after a while, I gave up and stopped making new year resolutions. And then, one day, I realized I didn’t really need the calendar to chart the course of my life. I didn’t need the start of a new year to start a new chapter, a new lease or turn a new leaf. I could do this anytime. And so, these days, I keep to one new year resolution—to do something new each year. It doesn’t have to be anything spectacular like going to the Andes or the Amazon. It doesn’t have to be some amazing feat like scaling the Himalayas or flying over the Serengeti. It doesn’t even have to be brilliant like discovering the cure for Aids or cancer. It just has to be something you’ve never done before—like maybe eating kangaroo meat for the first time, learning how to troubleshoot the computer or saying something nice for a change. It doesn’t have to be grand, phenomenal, electrifying. It doesn’t have to move mountains, end strife or change the world. It just has to make an impact in YOUR life. Of course, if your one new venture for this year could end war and poverty as well, that would be an extravagant and impressive resolution. Still, some of the simplest acts in life are extravagant and impressive in themselves. When you dress your age. When you accept accountability for your life. When you admit to your mistakes. When you forgive and forget. When you acknowledge death and disease. When you move on from heartbreak and loss. When you come to terms with the faults and failings of those you love. When you realize that real love doesn’t really begin until the passion ebbs. So, do something new this year. Get to know the neighbors you’ve lived next door to in the last 5 years but have never spoken to. Find out the name of the guy who delivers your paper everyday. Endeavor to say something nice to someone the moment you walk into your office each morning. These actions may not change the world. But they can change YOUR world and maybe, someone else’s, as well.

DESPERATE LONGING....

2008-05-25T20:40:00.001-07:00

My man has been telling me to take it easy this month. So in a desperate attempt to zone out of work mode, I indulged in yet another Desperate Housewives marathon. I must admit that, of all the wives,
, I can relate the most to Bree Van de Kamp (Marcia Cross), the über-prim and polished homemaker that would make Martha Stewart look like a dowdy rag.
I think that Bree is a wonderful character because, beneath her control freakishness and her obsessive compulsiveness, she really is just as flawed as everyone else—and probably even more so. Unlike Susan Mayer (Teri Hatcher), who seems to live graciously well with the fact that she’s a single mother with a string of bad luck, or Lynette Scavo (Felicity Huffman) who always looks so adorably luoy (pitiable) with her ragtag bunch of boys, Bree is like an elegant porcelain doll who’s beautiful and exquisite on the outside, but who’s really cracking and dying on the inside a little each day.
She irons out the kinks of her environment because she can’t iron out the kinks of her own life, and she works damn hard to make everything seem immaculate because she knows that it’s the only way she can get a little piece of heaven here on earth. Her well-meaning attempts don’t always work out the way they are intended to, but Heaven knows the woman tries really hard.
While, unlike Bree, I allow myself to laugh and cry and get dirty once in a while, like her, I often feel the need to bury my emotions deeply under the grounds of my life—if only to enable myself and others around me to function better. Emotions are normal, and it is healthy to embrace them, but sometimes they distract us from getting things done. And, as someone who is so emotional, I’ve had to learn to subjugate my own feelings and desires for the sake of “the goal.” Sometimes it’s as simple as trying to quell fatigue for the sake of getting a nice-smelling kitchen; other times it involves something much deeper, such as forgoing certain personal goals and wishes for the sake of others’ needs and comfort. In any case, I’ve had to get used to giving up a little bit of myself if only to prop other people up.
And, in as much as my personality makes me more of a Bree, my lifestyle makes me more of a Lynette—overly driven, seriously stressed, and dangerously burned out.

*Sigh*

I honestly don’t know how the rest of this “sabbatical” will turn out, but I can only hope and pray that I will somehow summon the strength to really make this month all about me—my health, my time, my needs. Sure, like most women out there, I will never be able to say “no” to those I love. But I sure hope I won’t need to take desperate measures if only to get a life.

My Lesser-known Hobby

2008-05-25T20:37:00.000-07:00

I could stand in the greeting cards section for hours opening up cards and reading on...and on...and on...Seriously. Hands down, the most hilarious card I have ever gotten was made by John Callahan, a quadriplegic with an exceptionally unique and outrageous sense of humour. It had a picture of an Italian dude singing one of my all-time favorite songs, "Moonriver", while rowing a gondola. His passengers, a touristey-looking couple, were looking at the hairy butts sticking out from the surface of the river. Hahahahaha. Get it? It never fails to get me cracking...
And if you're lucky you just might run into a card whose words get you...thinking. In my most recent trip to the bookstore, I read one such card written by Renee Duvall for Hallmark. I bought it and stuck it above my study table, right beside my copy of Desiderata.
It reads:

" It happens like this --

you're going along,
living your life,
and everything's splendid.
(Lah-de-dah, lah-de-dah, lah-de-dah...OUCH!)
You hop around like a MANIAC
on your good foot,
holding what is now
your bad foot in your hands.
BUT...will your toe always hurt?
No.
Does the OUCH part
take away any of the
"lah-de-dah-HERE-I-AM-LIVING-MY-LIFE-
WITH-A-BIG-FAT-SMILEY-FACE" part?
Uh-uh.
Will you stub your toe again?
Probably.
Will you go humming merrily
on your way again?
Certainly.
That's the beauty
of impermanence.
It happens like that."

LOOKING THE OTHER WAY

2008-05-23T07:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was taking the trains home from my meetings in Potts Point as i didn't particularly feel like driving. When I arrived at the Parramatta station, it was a HORROR to see a long queue on the exit counters! Hundreds of people were squeezing their way through two or three turntiles, and you had a choice of getting stepped on, getting elbowed out, getting groped where you didn't want anyone's hands on (though this never actually happened to me—heheheh). I obviously did not want to get into another argument with Serg for taking the train (again) as I was in a very happy mood. I had just bagged a really big account.
In my moment of confusion and desperation, I looked over to the left set of exit counters... and there they were, free, empty, and practically calling out to me with their open arms. With a smug smile on my face, I stepped back from the mob, stepped a little to my left, and sauntered onto the exit which I had all to myself. I could not believe it--hundreds of people pushing and jostling their way into the right exit counters, totally forgetting that you could exit from two sides of the station.
And that's how it is with us and life, sometimes. We're too focused on "the usual route" or on doing things "the way it's always been done" that we forget about the multitude of options that exist around us. We stress over making the perfect pad thai when there's a good thai restaurant a few blocks from home. We curse the heavy traffic on the main thoroughfares when the side streets often offer a quicker way home. We cry over a fool of an ex-lover and let who could potentially be The One get away.
We stress over so many things, make so many excuses for ourselves and for other people... when, sometimes, all it takes to get things done, to meet the love of our life, or to discover our true path... is to swivel our stubborn heads to the other side, and look the other way.

OPENNESS

2008-05-23T06:11:00.000-07:00

I find some comfort in the words of Indian Nobel Prize winner, Rabindranath Tagore: “For undisguised pursuit of self has its safety in openness, like filth exposed to the sun and air.”

In my search for a deeper sense of identity and purpose, I have discovered that there is, indeed, some security in openness, for what else do people have to take away from me or accuse me of when I have already laid it out there for everyone to see? There is no secrecy, there is no guilt, there is no tension between what the mind knows and what the Self experiences.
Conversely, I find that the more closed I am—the more I deny myself of my thoughts and feelings—the more vulnerable and exposed I feel. It’s like I’m always second-guessing others and myself, always paranoid about whether my words were revealing much more than they should, always tiptoeing, afraid of stepping on broken glass and hurting myself. But then, you see? The act of hiding, the act of tiptoeing, the act of denying—that, in itself, is hurtful. It’s hurtful not only to me, but also to the people whom I hold dear. (Nobody likes to be around a volcano that’s always about to erupt.)
So, my dear friends, please indulge me in my openness. (At least if you get bored of the soap operas that are playing onscreen, you can always tune in to the soap opera of my life. It’s free of charge, too!)

COURAGE COMES IN DIFFERENT SHAPES

2008-05-23T05:52:00.000-07:00

if you're ever thinking of giving up on life, then take a look at the most amazing girl i know...

Meet Faith---a dog born with severely deformed front legs. This brave soul is a one-of-a-kind miracle. As a pup, she was rescued by the Stringfellow family after the mother dog was found trying to smother her. Faith could only move by dragging herself along the floor, a habit the veterinarian said would rub a hole in her chest and chin. Although their vet recommended they put Faith down, Jude and the family chose to give her a home.

And thanks to the care of her adoptive family Faith managed to survive and grow into an amazing dog. She learned to move by using only her 2 remaining legs, but, according to her owners although it was a very difficult process, it was also natural.Faith has become a star and her owners have started the WITH A LITTLE FAITH Foundation and they travel along with their pet, spreading their faith and God’s love to as many people as they can.

AFTER A WHILE...

2008-05-21T05:32:00.000-07:00

After a while, you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security.
And you learn to understand that kisses aren't promises
And you begin to accept defeats with your head held up high and your eyes open,
with the grace of a woman, not a grief of a child.
You learn to build up your own road of today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain
And the future has a way of falling down in midflights
After a while you learn that sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
That you really are strong
And that you really have worth
And that you keep learning
with every goodbye...
YOU LEARN......

I've been tagged by Jenneth and Fel...

2008-05-18T09:07:00.000-07:00

I have been tagged by fel and jenneth! Sorry girls! I know this is long overdue but you know how it is!!! Been working hard to keep the dough comin’! hehehe

Anyways, here it goes:

TODAY I FEEL:

CLINGY to my HUSBAND- I watched P.S. I love you and I feel an overwhelming surge of emotion…I realize that I haven’t really been fully appreciative of the one man who would literally go to hell to protect me.

CONTENT- I feel a sense of satisfaction knowing that everything that I want in life is here in my hands.

EXCITED- We’re going to Melbourne next month and I can’t wait to meet up with jill and estella! Yeheyy!

HAPPY-I’m ecstatic to know that I found some great friends in multiply.com. I never thought that online friendships work but you know what? My bestfriends at the moment are the ones that I met through this site….=)

BLOATED- I ate a lot of filo food today at jenalyn’s house! Damn those calderetas and afritadas!

SLEEPY- Been awake since 6 am today. Hehehe. I guess it’s time for me to sign off! SERIOUSLY!!!!!

Sexy Voices

2008-05-15T22:18:00.000-07:00

It's been 3 days now. I wake up and i hear the same darn sexy voice in my head. Figures...I had a discussion with my friend almost 3 days ago about whose voice we found sexy. My friend piped, "JOSH GROBAN!!!" Oh well, we all have our own tastes. I told her, "Yadz, sexy. not angelic. I hear Josh Groban and I'm tempted to get down on my knees and pray. He has the voice of an angel." If she said Nick Carter or Shannon Noll, I would have instantaneously burned. Hahahah. I started to rattle off names....BONO (be still my beating heart), Sting, Dave Matthews, George Clooney, Stipe, Michael Buble, Chris Martin of Cold Play (I get very nostalgic when i listen to their music)Eddie Vedder (Damn! This man can wail), David Duchovny, Hugh Grant (why not? he's quirky), Rob Thomas (sighhhh!....definitely Rob Thomas!) hmmmm...who else?...and then i heard a familiar song playing somewhere...Babylon!!!! That's the song's title---not my version of "eureka!" It has been awhile since i heard that voice...ah, that soulful voice. Anyone could fall asleep with that sexy, husky..ehem, ehem... Ladies and gentlemen, I have been thrust back into the red room that is David Gray! For anyone who has not heard of him, I am telling you now to listen to this guy.... His voice feels like a hand reaching inside you and wrenching your heart....I'm gushing, can you tell? Very well then, enough gushing. Here's my favourite David Gray song.

Babylon
Friday night I'm going nowhere
All the lights are changing green to red
Turning over TV stations
Situations running through my head
Well looking back through time
You know it's clear that I've been blind I've been a fool
To ever open up my heart
To all that jealousy, that bitterness, that ridicule
Saturday I'm running wild A
nd all the lights are changing red to green
Moving through the crowd
I'm pushing Chemicals all rushing through my bloodstream
Only wish that you were here
You know I'm seeing it so clear I've been afraid
To tell you how I really feel Admit to some of those bad mistakes I've made
If you want it
Come and get it
For crying out loud
The love that I was
Giving you was
Never in doubt
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now Babylon, Babylon
Sunday all the lights of London
Shining, Sky is fading red to blue
I'm kicking through the Autumn leaves
And wondering where it is you might be going to
Turning back for home
You know I'm feeling so alone I can't believe
Climbing on the stair
I turn around to see you smiling there In front of me
If you want it
Come and get it
Crying out loud
The love that I was Giving you was Never in doubt
And feel it now
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now Babylon, Babylon, Babylon

P. S. The lyrics are poetic, no? I'm still gushing...my apologies :-)

This is the link to his video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hri6ft52YA8&feature=related

DE-STRESSing...

2008-05-15T22:16:00.000-07:00

friend of mine decided to quit smoking several months ago. Good for her. It's an awful vice, smoking. I can almost hear your collective gasp and imagine your thought bubbles read, "No, she didn't." Haha. Easy. I'm not here to diss smokers. It's your life, your lungs. I used to go to school with someone who would ask my permission before she lit up. How very polite. "Don't worry, I would reply, I second-hand smoke." Darn that nicotine. Haha. Smokers say they crave for it after meals. Of course, you can't not drink and smoke, my friend said. They claim it relaxes them... a great stress-reliever.
By now you can safely conclude that I am not a smoker. I've never been one, have no desire to be one, and , unless a study comes out showing that smoking cures near and far-sightedness, I don't foresee any Marlboro men in my future.
As I sat across from my friend Peewee (not her real name) --after another tiff with her android.hehe---she, nervously chatting and puffing away and I, nodding and inhaling away---I was amused at how she seemed to relax with each puff. Inhale. Exhale. Grin. Inhale. Exhale. Blah Blah Blah. Inhale. Exhale. Grin. By the time she was on her second (or was it her third? Smoke got in my eyes. Had to crack that joke.Haha.) her teeth were showing. That is, she was smileeeeng. Wow. So, they really weren't pulling my leg. Smoking does relieve stress. And the evidence was right in front of me. Whenever Peewee's stress level was high she opted to smoke rather than cry. Hehe. Whatever works, man.
Meanwhile one of my dearest friends turns up her radio and jumps and down like crazy inside her room to de-stress. Green Day and Pearl Jam always work for her. Neurotic dancing is the best. She should try it with Britney or Jessica sometime. Haha. Not. Still, others like to wander around the mall or watch a movie or pig out (pizzaaaaa!!) or sleep the stress off. Hmmmm....

Excerpt from "The Purpose-Driven Life"

2008-05-15T22:14:00.000-07:00

Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.
Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger.
Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough and know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate! Don't regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr/Mrs Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr Wrong because your biological clock is ticking. Learn a new skill. Find a new friend. Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won.
Only a price to be paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.
To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.
To make yourself happy, pursue your passions and be the best of what you can be.
Simplify your life.
Take away the clutter. Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.
Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself. Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.
Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.
Write poetry. Love Deeply. Walk barefoot. Dance with wild abandon. Cry at the movies.
Take care of yourself.
Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life. You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.
It is true that life does not get easier with age. It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions. Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in your God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!
When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back.
Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E because the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.

MEANING

2008-05-15T22:02:00.000-07:00

I went through my blog and was aghast when I found I hadn’t posted this poem ever. This is one literary work I wish I had written. I have a copy of this above my bedside table to neutralize my neurotic mind. Haha. Seriously, this is food for the soul.---P.S. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t read this.

Disederata
Written by Max Ehrrmann in the 1920’s

Go placidly amidst the noise and the haste
And remember what peace there may be in silence
As far as possible, without surrender,
Be on good terms with all persons
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
And listen to others,
Even to the dull and the ignorant;
They too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
They are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself to others,
You may become vain or bitter,
For always there will be greater or lesser persons than yourself.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
For the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
Many persons strive for high ideals,
And everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
For in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
It is as personal as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
Gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not stress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
Be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
No less than the trees and the stars;
You have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
The universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
Whatever you conceive him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
In the noisy confusion of life,
Keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
It is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Ease with Enya

2008-05-14T23:11:00.000-07:00

There's nothing like the music of Enya to keep me calm and centered.
When I was in freshman year in college, I would play the album The Memory of Trees over and over again during the daily commute to and from school. That was about four months of listening to the songs almost everyday, and so I pretty much memorized the lyrics (the English ones, at least) and had their tunes ingrained in my subconscious.
I've graduated to other Enya albums since then, but my love affair with this kind of music continues.
In case you have a few minutes to spare, or toward the end of a frenetic day, take the time to view these videos and let the music and the images sink in.
Storms in Africa
My favorite Enya song of all time! If I could have it my way, I'd have this song playing during the recessional of my wedding ceremony.
Orinico Flow
Who doesn't know this, right? "Sail away, sail away, sail away..."
Caribbean Blue
I love the watercolor-ish, Waking Life-ish, super trippy (*wink*) approach to this video.
On My Way Home
Found at the end of the Memory of Trees album, this, indeed, was what I used to play on my way home from school over 10 years ago.
Watermark
A wonderful, wonderful song... Wasn't this associated with a De Beers commercial once? Whatever it was, it always makes me think of sparkling diamonds, or rain--depending on my mood, really. (I love the Claude Monet art on this one.)
Wild Child
I had a copy of A Day Without Rain shortly after graduating from college, and my work friends and I used to play this from our shared cubicle after the end of a really stressful day. For some reason, my friend Richard used to think this song really fit me.

MEET JOE BLACK

2008-05-14T23:04:00.000-07:00

I watched this movie (again!) the other night and I still got goose bumps all over. This is one movie that gives you the ultimate lesson in life. It’s about a wealthy businessman, Bill Parrish (played by no less than ANTHONY HOPKINS) who received a visit from a mysterious stranger, Joe Black (BRAD PITT) who later revealed himself as DEATH. In exchange for extra time, Bill agreed to serve as Joe’s earthly guide but he was soon faced with an untimely dilemma when Joe unexpectedly fell in love with his beautiful daughter Susan (Claire Forlani).
What I love most about this film is the way DEATH himself (Joe Black) succumbed to the power of LUUUUUVVE. It’s quite endearing to see him let his guard down and just hopelessly fell victim to a more powerful phenomenon that is LOVE. And in the end, he did the ultimate act of selflessness by letting go of Susan even if his heart (even I am surprised to know that he’s got one!) bled to take her with him.
On the other hand, when Bill Parrish realized that his time here on earth is nearing its end, all he cared about was spending more time with his 2 daughters. Forget about the multi-million dollar company that he spent his entire life building….or the lavished parties that are attended by a bunch of suck-up executives who couldn’t give a rat’s ass about him. In the end, what mattered most to him was his family.
Well, that’s how it is with us in the real world, isn’t it? We oftentimes lose the plot and we are constantly on a mission to obtain something shallow---like getting that promotion…or paying the mortgage off…or purchasing that new BMW…getting another diamond jewelry….or buying the latest LOUIS VUITTON purse---whatever it is, we rarely endeavor to have a more grounded lifestyle.
But there you have it! This movie says it all. At the end of the day, money still can’t provide us with unadulterated bliss. But the beautiful memories that we share with our loved ones will take us beyond life and the universe. After all, isn’t that what were here in this world for?---TO TOUCH AS MANY LIVES AS WE POSSIBLY CAN… --

Good Reading Partner

2008-05-14T22:56:00.000-07:00

Maxie will usually stretch before he'll walk to me so we spend time together. I let him lay down the chair in our balcony while I read a book. He will lay there, watch me intently with his beady, brown eyes. He'll stand up once in a while to sit in front of me. If he sticks out his tongue, I'll know he wants milk. I'm always amused when he does that. Max will lay down again, face me and patiently wait for me to finish my reading. When I'm finally done, he will stand up and bob his head to the side as if to ask, "Is it time already?"
This is what he waits for: for me to place him on my lap, the both of us facing the road. We could sit for an entire hour just listening to the passing vehicles. I like to sing 'Do You Love Me?' to Maxie. He seems to like it.....Our adorable and malambing puppy probably doesn't know it but he's a cool reading partner.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

2008-05-14T22:23:00.000-07:00

We live like actors in a play who are given only one line at a time, going through the motions without understanding the full story. But when you get in touch with your soul, you see the whole script for the drama. You understand. You still participate in the story, but now you participate joyously, consciously, and fully. You can make choices based on knowledge and born out of freedom. Each moment takes on a deeper quality that comes from appreciation of what it means in the context of your life.~ Deepak Chopra in SynchroDestiny

LEGOS

2008-05-14T04:37:00.000-07:00

These days, memories pop up in my head more frequently and more vividly than they used to. Events, situations, incidents, and other occurrences which I’ve marked as “trivial” and have therefore stored on the bottom drawer of my mind’s inner closet resurface and yell out, “Hey, look at me! I’m important, too!” And, indeed, they are.
My memories of childhood play, for instance, are those that show up more frequently. There were those times of creating entire cities made out of Lego blocks, with my little brother Adam playing the Master Planner. Each time a new Legotown was built, there were the requisite school, store, church, and airport. Every house was built exactly the same way, spaced the same way (and I would count the number of spaces to make sure), and even furnished the same way. The only modifications that “homeowners” could make were whatever gadgets they could fashion for themselves (and, here, my brother was always the winner). The Lego games fueled a fleeting dream of becoming an architect—I loved the metric-ruled precision of it all—and whenever my brother would throw a tantrum over the city being destroyed by our dear old yaya (who would sweep everything away before my mum returned from work), I would simply tell him, “Legos are made for building! Let’s just build a new town!” And the building would happen all over again.
My brother and I were a precocious pair, and our house would be transformed into a live version of Nickelodeon’s Fun House or Takeshi’s Castle every time Mum was out. We would fashion obstacle courses out of chairs, blocks, the garden swing, and whatever else we could find. One of my favorite creations was a go-kart that my brother made out of mom’s old luggage trolleys, a small chair, and a cushion. It was a fancy little thing, and we would zip around the street in it. Our yaya would always go aghast over the huge messes that we regularly made, and we were just thankful that Mom was always out so that we could have our little piece of childhood heaven right at home.
In those days, creative play was as important for us as studying, and we would apply ourselves diligently to the next game or the next “project” because they were ways of actualizing talents that we were happy to have discovered.
Now that we’re all grown up, I’m sure we can trace some of our recent successes to those days in Pelaez Street when play was work and work was play.
One thing is sure: when I become a mother, I will make sure that my children get lots of time and space to play and discover their own world. I won’t panic if they come home with bruises and scratches and mess all over their clothes; it will teach them how to take care of themselves. I won’t yell at them if they break things or cover the walls with pastels and paint (but I will make them clean up after their own mess); it will teach them the consequences of their actions. I won’t get heartbroken if they declare later on: “Mum, Dad, I want to be a musician/artist/performer/designer/stylist/model/actress/inventor/scientist/filmmaker/writer.” I will rejoice that they have found something to be truly passionate about, and I will support whatever they decide to get into (even if it’s just plain old accountancy---hehehe).

HIGH SCHOOL...

2008-05-14T04:28:00.000-07:00

I know I am not alone when I say that high school was an awkward time. Half of my face was hidden behind thick, dark-rimmed glasses. I guess you could say that I looked like a pair of glasses that had grown a face. Haha.
I got tired of wearing bangs one day and decided to grow them. When my bangs were finally about four or five inches long, my mother suggested I "curl" them to keep them "tame" (Note: i have fine, limp hair...it's one of the universe's cruel jokes). So I did. Suffice to say, I ended up looking like a poodle. Waaah! My Dad came home from work, saw my hair and told me, "Don't worry. It'll grow out." It was a cryptic fatherly message that meant: "What have you done??!!"
The shortest my hair has ever gotten is shoulder-length. That was in high school. Unfortunately, I was nothing but fat arms, fatter legs and a funny walk. Not a good combination. Haha.
It didn't stop there, though. I was just as clueless about clothes. There was a pair of high-top sneakers I loved to wear..with everything. Yes, with everything. I distinctly remember wearing a bright yellow shirt with shoulder pads(!), pale blue jeans and my trusty sneakers. Imagine that. Or better yet, don't. It was sad. Yikes. I think my parents saw how worn my sneakers had gotten that they bought me a pair of loafers for my birthday. And so, I retired my sneakers and proceeded to wear out my loafers. And yes, I also wore them with everything.
I also spent a great deal of my time going ga-ga over The New Kids On the Block with my friend, Fiona. Yes, I went through that phase---the oh-my-gosh-my-supercool-favorite-boyband-pa-cute phase. I will unashamedly admit that I used to sigh whenever Joe McIntyre sang "Please Don't Go, Girl" and proceed to gaze at his picture that I had pasted over my study table. (Go ahead, I give you permission to laugh. You got to give me props for honesty, though. Hehe.) Now, I'm just happy I went..going, going, gone. Haha. I'm also thankful that I discovered the music of U2, Pearl Jam and Sting during my later high school days. Those guys helped me grow and shed the teenybopper gooey eyed-ness.
While the rest of my classmates were chatting away about the 'cute ones' from among our brother class friends, I had a brainiac for a crush. He was tall, smart and he was a good writer, ergo I liked him. He didn't know I existed. Or I suppose, he was too distracted with my curly bangs. Haha.
Yes, high school was an awkward time for me. And yet I can tell you now that I would never have wanted it any other way.
The fashion misses, the daydreaming/delusions, the lanky guy and my ridiculous hairstyle aside...it was all worth it.
In high school I met people who I knew I would be friends with for the rest of my life. I realized which kind of people I was most comfortable with. I discovered what worked for me and what didn't. Funky gold shoes, check. Shoulder pads, no. It was during high school that I started to get a picture of the kind of person I wanted to be, of the kind of life I wanted to live.
Yes, God made me go through those awkward moments to get me here. Never mind that I used to be a nerd or a geek. I still am, I suppose. But so what.
I'm here now.

Anger, Despair, and Hope in the Time of Rendition

2008-05-12T22:55:00.000-07:00

One ordinary Friday night, I came face to face with the kind of anger and despair that I didn’t realize I had in me. It was the kind that made me cry for people I did not know, for faces I did not see, for a society I did not understand. It made me question the pillars of my existence—everything that I had based my life upon—and it made me see the pettiness of human life. What is the point of all this?, I cried out. Nothing could comfort me then; these thoughts still haunt me until now.

I was watching Rendition, the 2007 film about an Egyptian immigrant to the United States who is abducted by the CIA for being suspected of having links to an Islamic terrorist group. Reese Witherspoon, one of my favorite actresses, plays Isabella El-Ibrahimi, the distraught and very pregnant wife of Egyptian Anwar El-Ibrahimi (Omar Metwally), who seems to have disappeared from his flight home without a trace. Jake Gyllenhaal plays Douglas Freeman, a CIA analyst whose job it is to “secure information” about Anwar’s suspected terrorist links and their activities—no matter what it takes. Meryl Streep plays the cold, calculating, and unfeeling CIA boss, Corinne Whitman, who ensures that nothing about Anwar’s whereabouts or the CIA’s underground activities leak out to the public.

I shall not go into plot details here; I admit that there were times when I was too caught up in my own reflections to pay full attention to how the story unfolded. Nonetheless, I was riveted and engaged for most of the movie—to the point where everything seemed very real and close to home. And then the tears started falling.

At first, the tears were for all those men and women who have sacrificed their loved ones to the bitterness of war—to battles with neither principled death nor honorable victory, to horrors and pains without justification or absolution. Then I started wailing like I never had before, because I realized that no matter what we do, the killing will never stop. Rich and powerful countries will always find a way to wield power and force over those of us at the bottom of the food chain. Children will continue to die because of hunger and malnutrition and treatable diseases—causes that could be addressed with political will. Religious and societies and cultures will continue to exclude each other and try to justify acts that are ultimately uncalled for. All this while tiny circles of wealth go around the world in their yachts, eating the freshest, most exotic food and sipping the best wine. All this while teenaged brats prance around in their hot cars, flashing extensions of Daddy’s card and racking up luxury purchases that would already be enough to send an impoverished child (who did not choose to be born that way) to University. All this while coke fiends fill the party scene and crowd the already-overpopulated country with their meaningless, pitiful existence.

What is the meaning of all this?? I asked myself. You think your life is important—you think what you’re doing and the people you’re meeting are important—but what are you doing to stop the madness? What are you doing to feed or clothe one more person, to send one more child to school, to make sure that people don’t die meaningless deaths? What is your life really all about??

Silence.

I realized that what I’m doing now—whatever that is—still isn’t enough.

It was the most depressing thought in the world, at 3 A.M.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE by Maya Angelou

2008-05-10T04:47:00.000-07:00

If you're feministic like me, then this poem is for you...! =)

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...

enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE..

.something perfect to wear if the employer, or date o f her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...

a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...

a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...

a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...

one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...

a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...

eight matching plate s, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...

a feeling of control over her destiny.

A WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to fall in love without losing herself.

A WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship...

A WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

A WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents…

A WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it’s over...

A WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

A WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

A WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...

A WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table, or a charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing...

A WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

what she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...

-------******---------

2008-05-09T06:22:00.000-07:00

When I was much younger, I refused to believe in the concept of One Love, of that One Soul from whom our souls were separated and with whom we must reunite if we were to experience Real Love. I was cynical probably because I was going through so many issues with myself (growing pains and all other shit known to every teenager’s mind), and because I never saw in myself an image of love that was acceptable to my sensibilitiesDuring my freshman year in college, a friend of mine asked me which I preferred: a man whom I loved, or a man who loved me. I chose the latter, and I reasoned that anyone can learn to love anyone else—what matters is that the man loves the woman more than she loves him. (Where on earth I got that idea, I don’t know…)

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

My previous relationship was with someone who really, honest-to-goodness loved me (or so I thought). He wasn’t the guy on my wish list, but he just cared for me so much that it became easy for me to imagine that, maybe, I could learn to really love him back. He seemed to be the quintessential boy-next-door whom you could bring home to Mom, and so I did, trying to convince myself that he could be the guy for me. After years of waiting for Certainty to turn up, however, I realized that I couldn’t be with someone whom I didn’t love as much as he loved me.You could stone me now for being such a bitch, but one of the things that I told him when I said goodbye was that he was “the perfect little black dress that every girl sees from the store window and wants to bring home”, but that I realized that “that perfect little black dress just doesn’t fit me well”.

You really shouldn’t just settle for someone when you know how much more you can give with someone else.

Quote of the Day

2008-05-09T02:02:00.001-07:00

When we renounce our dreams we find peace and enjoy a brief period of tranquility, but the dead dreams begin to rot inside us and infect the whole atmosphere in which we live. What we hoped to avoid in the Good Fight—disappointment and defeat—become the sole legacy of our cowardice.

~ Paulo Coelho, The Pilgrimage

RAMBO

2008-05-07T23:15:00.000-07:00

About a year ago, I was sitting in my room in Cebu watching a special on t.v. called “Mga Taong Grasa”----soceity’s so-called cast offs. Those who roamed aimlessly on the streets with nothing but the thinning clothes on their back. There was a man like that who hung out near my college campus back in Cebu. They called him Rambo because he sometimes wrapped his hair with a bandana. He was never violent nor aggressive towards the students. He would just sit, stand and walk the entire length of the block in front of the school without a word. He was mysterious. And we were intrigued. So intrigued that he became the object of much speculation. The story I often heard was that he used to attend my school and was one of the smartest in the campus. He was from a good family, had a pretty and loving girlfriend. In other words, he had everything going for him. Unfortunately, he had a peculiar method of studying---he soaked his feet in water and would put a wet towel on top of his head. That’s how he lost his sanity, they said. Of course, nobody could confirm it. Nobody would ever go near him to dare ask. But he didn’t look crazy to me. (What’s normal to begin with anyway, right?) My friends and I never heard him speak so we assumed he was mute. Except this one time when I was walking briskly to school for a meeting when I heard someone call out, “Miss, imong panyo!” I turned and saw Rambo sitting on the sidewalk and pointing down. I must’ve stood motionless for a good full minute. I bent down to get my hanky and smiled at him. Rambo didn’t’ smile back. He turned his head and directed his gaze back to the passing cars. Do you ever wonder what pushed these people over the edge? I mean, how hard did they hit rock bottom that they couldn’t get up?
There’s a fine line that divides sanity and insanity. Don’t we all walk that line everyday? There are some of us who find it easier to raise the white flag. And then there are some of us who think of following their lead but choose to walk on. Tomorrow could surprise us. It’s called faith. You and I have that.

JOURNEY TO THE CENTRE OF THE CRUST

2008-05-07T19:25:00.000-07:00

The search is over.I have travelled long and wide to look for THE ONE that would make my heart skip a beat.And inside the wonderful, aluminum, yellow and black interiors of this food nook at Parramatta, my heart leapt as my senses took in the sight of the most beautiful thing ever created. My pizza.
Ladies and gents, you can tell great pizza right off the bat. Mine was a 14-inch masterpeice. It had Italian sausage, ham, pepperoni, bacon, ground beef, black olives, mushrooms, onions, red & green bell peppers and an incredible blend of fine cheeses. All these were on top of definitely the crispiest, chewiest crust on earth. Add in the sauce--real tomatoes(!!) and herbs and spices. Ta-dah! You have got yourself a love affair to remember. And they sell really good iced tea too. Just sweet enough not to overpower your tastebuds. I personally hate the iced tea that some establishments serve that taste as though they were designed to give you tonsilitis or diabetes. But forget about the others.
I have found THE ONE. I'm on cloud 9 :-)

SENTI

2008-05-07T19:15:00.000-07:00

My college buddy sent me this poem. It couldn't have come at a better time. Just when I was about to resign myself to the dark clouds that seemed to have found a place over my head....a friend came to my rescue.

Where would we be indeed without the love of our friends?

Of all the friends

I've ever met,
You're the one

I won't forget.

And if I die

Before you do

I'll go to heaven

And wait for you

I'll give the angels

Back their wings
And risk the loss

Of everything
Just to prove

My friendship is true

RECLAIMING AN OLD (BUT TRUE) LOVE

2008-05-03T07:33:00.000-07:00

There are some things that we mustn’t ever do—like hold on to something that isn’t working out anymore, pine for an old flame that will never be rekindled, or stay stuck in the past when there are so many wonderful things to look forward to in the present and the future. But there are those times when love is just too strong to ever deny—and when the opportunity presents itself for true love to bloom once more.

Last night, in a place where sunlight filters in through the windows and lights up the courtyards during the day and where night unveils a buzz of activity that is both exhilarating and soothing, I reconnected with an old flame. It was something I had been hiding from these past few months; I flirted with the idea around a year ago, but I chickened out and tried to deny my real feelings. But every encounter would light up a memory so vivid I could almost see, touch, taste, smell, hear, and feel it again. Every reminder of that old life would tug at me so strongly that there was no way I could deny it anymore. It was yet another string of coincidences, another episode of “Seeing Signs” that Mr. Coelho would definitely acknowledge as real. It was in my mind, in my soul, in my blood. And last night, I came home.

Por eso, este año, empezaré a una aventura magnífica que seguramente encende otra vez a las emociones que ha sido guardado celosamente en la profundidad de mi alma. Esta aventura no será de amor erótica—será una viaje encantada sobre los caminos de la cultura española, así como las palabras, los sonidos, los imagenes, y las sensaciones que yo perdía—y después discubrí otra vez. No hay punto en escapar de este camino. Estoy enamorada, estoy apasionada… y nadie, especialmente no yo mismo, puede separarnos para siempre.

After all, it is emblazoned on my skin, for as long as I live, and for the whole world to see, las palabras eternas del gran escritor Federico Garcia Lorca: «Lo que mas me importa… es vivir…»

RACIAL DISCRIMINATION

2008-04-22T04:57:00.001-07:00

Don’t you just hate it when people stereotype you because of your background? So I get it, racial prejudice is still prevalent nowadays---I just never imagined that I’d fall victim to it here in Sydney (the city that’s been dubbed the most multi-cultural in the land down under). I went shopping the other day and as I went about the business of putting some unwanted items back into an empty rack outside the change room, this short, robust blonde saleslady from hell practically came out screaming at my face, “HEY! EXCUSE ME! YOU DON’T PUT THESE CLOTHES HERE! THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO GO TO THAT RACK OVER THERE!” And she then proceeded to point at a filled-up rack nearly 20 meters from the change room. Too aghast to even blink, I stared at this psychotic yobo for a good 10 seconds. Unfortunately, she was on a mission to ruin my day. “DO YOU UNDERSTAND ENGLISH, DOLL?!! TAKE THESE CLOTHES TO THAT RACK OVER THERE!!!” At this point, I was seriously contemplating sucking the air out of her big, fat, ugly face. But since I’m not one to commit manslaughter, I held my ground and in the iciest tone I could muster, I calmly retorted, “Yes. I heard you the first time. But last I checked, I don’t work here. So why don’t you put these clothes to that rack over there. It’s a bit of a walk but hey, you look like you need the exercise…. “ When I saw the stunned look on her face, I knew that I’ve broken through her façade. Embarrassed that she is now the object of everyone’s attention, I saw her cower a little bit. But unfortunately for her, I was just getting started. In an attempt to salvage what’s left of her dignity, she muttered “I’m just telling you the store policy, doll…but I don’t suppose you get it…” ------- ??????!!!!!!!!------- ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? !!!!..........”Oh please! Spare me that crap” I piped. “And I suppose it’s your store policy to come yelling at customers? Now I’m no retail genius but where I come from, people in your position are paid to serve people like me. So if you’re so fixated at having these clothes on that rack over there, do it yourself. And oh! While you’re at it, take these with you as well.” And with that, I shoved a handful of clothes into her pale, stubby freckled hands and walked away with a grin. Ha! Sucked in Bitch! She saw that I was an easy prey because I’m asian but OH how she got it wrong! She picked on the wrong asian girl and her ego certainly got a thorough bruising.

CINDERELLA MAN

2008-04-22T04:45:00.000-07:00

The film, which was based on the true life story of Jim Braddock, came highly recommended by my husband. He swore it would touch my heart and make me a-booing and a-hooing. Very inspiring, he said. He was right.
The film was set during the time of the Great Depression and the soul of the film was Jim Braddock, an Irish boxer who had gone from champion to working on the shipping docks despite a broken hand and who wins the heart of a disillusioned nation by defeating the scary and huge Max Baer, reigning boxing champ of the world. Jim’s world revolved around his family… his loving wife Mae, whose quiet strength has helped sustain him, and his three kids. It’s not surprising why this movie would inspire you. It’s about love…for family, for friends, for a dream. True love. It’s about a little guy who dreamt big and never gave up.
This movie could not have come at a better time for me. The cinemas seemed to be filled with shows about men blowing up buildings, cheating spouses, pathological liars, and women baring their bodies at the drop of a hat. Tsk tsk. Then, my husband told me to watch ‘Cinderella Man’. The world sure looked better afterwards. Never discount the strength of the human spirit. Amazing.

BUDDHA LESSON

2008-04-22T04:39:00.000-07:00

I wish I had written this sooner…
For a 20-Baht donation in Wat Pho, you can drop a coin on each of the 108 copper pots that were lined beside the gold Reclining Buddha---one coin, one wish for each pot. No problem. Here’s one for my brother’s job-hunting…good health for me and my family…peace of mind…love…strength…courage…open-mindedness….. …security… ….end of boy trouble…..By the time I reached the ninth pot, I was done. 99 more to go. Hmmm….What now? I did what anybody who had no intention of wasting a good 20-Baht would do. I pulled out wishes from out of my hiney. Haha. I came up with some from the top of my head. Okay, I thought I wish I’ll finally get the strength and wisdom to clean out the clutter in my relationship with Mr. McGyver… that I don’t get nauseated on the way back home…that McGyver’s brother will drop dead… that I find a good pair of pants that will flatter my bum…that Bono will come to his senses and tell me than I’m THE ONE…that Gerard Butler will come to his senses and ask me to marry him…that David Beckham will come to his senses and realize that posh beck isn’t the one for him…Oh, and that Sting will drop whatever that he’s doing and realize that I’m his cosmic soul mate….sheeesh…this was tougher than I thought. When I finally reached the 108th pot, I was certain the heavens were frowning down on me. 108 and only the first 9 made any sense. Grrrr….
You and I probably make up a lot of wishes everyday. I wish I had this or that. I wish I could do this and that. Truth is, when we are faced with the prospect of dropping a coin per wish per pot, we hardly ever remember the crazy ones we make up everyday. Believe me. We are left with the wishes that truly matter to us---those that are carved in our hearts. Who cares if neither one of Bono, Gerard, Beck nor Sting drop to their knees and proclaim me as their ONE and only? Maybe I’ll get good pants. Maybe I’ll end up regretting I bought them the next day. Maybe spicy food will give me Angelina Jolie lips. Who knows? Does it really matter? Not in the least. I tell you. I really shouldn’t bother with the 99 more wishes I made. You see, I’m loved by people whose love means the world to me. I already got what I need, thank God.

THE TRICK IS TO KEEP BREATHING....

2008-04-21T00:02:00.000-07:00

A few months ago my friend texted me in the middle of the night and asked how he could pick up the pieces of his broken heart. The pain was excruciating, he said. “You’ll get over it soon enough.”, I replied… and then I bit my tongue.
Fast forward to this morning…I watched a sad movie where this lady heard mass for her husband's first death anniversary. Her eyes spoke of her pain.
I’ve only had my heart broken once and it was squarely between God, my bestfriend and me. Anything else ---whatever pain, disappointment, hurdle--- after that fateful day would be incomparable. The pain is incomparable. People often say time heals all wounds. I’ll have to wait and see if that’s true. People shouldn’t be so general. After all, there are so many degrees of pain. My favorite writer once wrote, “You should never believe anyone who says they know exactly how you feel...” We’re all bound to suffer a broken heart, that is, if we haven’t already. You know what I mean, right? Losing someone we love feels as though we’ve been hurled into the great Void. You’re on top of the world one second and suddenly you’re falling down down down. And you wait…to hit rock bottom. Except, how do you know you haven’t hit it already? We attempt to smile and hope people can’t tell we’re faking it. We stay up trying to decipher God’s message. We attempt to laugh and find ourselves stopping midway. We attempt to make sense of it. This life---or this semblance of a life. At times the pain seems too much for us to bear. When will the tears be enough? How much loneliness can my heart take? Why? Why her? Why now? The questions are endless. And each morning we get up from bed and stare out the window. Look at that, the world is still up and about. Why do we do it?
I don’t know about you but I think it’s because we’re hoping today could be the day we finally get an answer. Take it from Garbage, “The trick is to keep breathing.”

SOAP ANDL LEAVES ON A SUNDAY...

2008-04-20T23:55:00.000-07:00

I wrote this entry when i was still a university student and bathing my little pooches was my sole responsiility....

Soap and Leaves on a Sunday
A.M. --- It's Sunday morning and I am squatting in front of Hunny and Dondon's makeshift bathtub (it's really a basin. hehe.). I'm trying really hard not to get wet--TRYING being the operative word. I am having soap for breakfast thanks to Hunny and Dondon, who are both doing their best to test my patience (read: HELP!!!) My mother is standing by with the towel and comb. Cool.
I am laughing as I am bathing our dogs. They're a hoot. Hunny is all over the place and wont stop sticking her tongue out. I think she wants to taste the soap. I also get the impression she thinks we're playing. That explains why she is so....wiggly(?). Hehe. Meanwhile, Dondon is such a gentleman, er, i should say, dog. He is standing on his two hind legs and has his front paws on the rim of the basin...such a smarty pant...My mom and I scramble to towel dry them. And yes, I am giggling as I do this. Dondon doesn't like his hair combed. On the other hand, Hunny likes being combed all over but her head. That will not do of course, otherwise she'll sport an afro.
A couple of minutes later, they're dry and are smelling powder-fresh. Meanwhile, I get a wiff of myself..I smell like them --- before and after they took their baths. Yikes! Ah, the wonderful mystery that is bathing your dogs...
I sit on a lawn chair to catch my breath. I look over to my left and watch as Hunny and Dondon play. My stress-o-meter's gone down again. I sigh. What would I do without these guys. Tsk tsk.
P.M. --- I am trying to finish my unbelievably loooong reading assignments and am starting to get stressed over it. I just fed Hunny and Dondon. I look out the window to see that they’re playing again. I resume reading. Moments later, they both start barking. So I walk out the door to check if anybody is at the gate. Nobody. I look at Dondon and ask, “What?” They continue barking. “I give up. What is it???” I follow their gaze and discover that they are barking at some dried leaves dancing in the wind. Sweet. I walk over to them and pat each of their adorable heads.
I get it. They were telling me to stop and smell the roses---in this case, to watch the dancing leaves.

BATTERY FULL

2008-04-20T23:18:00.000-07:00

You know you're in good company when you sit down for a late lunch (2-ish) and end up leaving almost 5 hours later. Of course it helps that the waiters don't shove you out the door. hehehe.There is nothing like good conversation, good food and a truly good friend sitting across the table to assure you that all hope is not lost. We had felt that the world seemed nuttier than usual. This was our attempt to stop time and un-complicate life. The afternoon would be ours. We would drown out the world with steak sandwiches, good old bangers and mash, cheesecakes and bottomless softdrinks. There was no mention of politics, no attempts at dissecting human behaviour, no melodrama. It was a heartfelt time spent between friends, seeing eye to eye. This is how i recharge my battery that is my soul; surrounding myself with people who mean something to me.
(Sigh!) If only life was one long lunch.

Here's to us!

MY FAIRYTALE...

2008-04-20T23:08:00.000-07:00

When I was a little girl, I believed in fairytales. I believed in gallant knights on white horses rescuing helpless maidens. So it was that when I was growing up, I would look around the corner, waiting to see if my knight would come charging and whisk me off into the setting sun. But it was not to be. I waited and waited and waited, but no knight came… only boys, good at playing charades.

And yet, I could only helplessly answer “yes” to Richard Bach’s question, “ Do you ever feel as if you were missing someone you’ve never known before?” Yes. I was missing someone, but either we were not yet ready (emotionally and spiritually) to meet each other or we weren’t fated to be together in this lifetime. Or maybe there was really no special someone out there and I was just pretending to be a princess in a city of concrete and steel. Maybe it was enough to be with someone who understood me a bit, could talk to me a bit, and laugh with me a bit. Wishing for more was like wishing not only for the moon but also for the entire universe to be mine.

So I tried reaching only for the moon, although the stars were winking furiously as if to say that if I were patient enough, the universe and all it had to offer would be mine. I didn’t heed them, and instead, I landed on the moon, sans the necessary equipment. Needless to say, I died a little death and learned the lessons of several lifetimes.

The stars were kind. They nursed me back to health, all the while murmuring that if I had listened to them, to the inner voice that I had ignored, I could blaze a trail to all the universe instead of hurting myself landing on the moon. And so I decided: it was the universe or nothing. If I could not have the universe, I would at least have the satisfaction of knowing I aimed for the best and would not settle for anything less. If I ended up alone, I would not be lonely. I would still have the stars and their wisdom. That would be better than ending up with someone that was a “bit of here and there” but would always leave me wanting for more.

Then one ordinary day, in the ordinary course of business, I met a very ordinary man (or so I thought him to be back then). The stars did not twinkle extra bright, there were no trumpets to herald his coming and he was certainly not in a snowy white horse. Yet I know, the way only one can, when all is still and quiet, and the voice of the soul can be heard, that this was the man I wanted to live with for the rest of my life. And yet I was cautious and wary. After all, my fairytale spoke of snowy white horses and swept off from one’s feet, and this was more of a slow (but delicious) ripening of certainty building upon certainty that this person had the character and the strength, the values and the beliefs, the intelligence, the drive and ambition, and the humor that I wanted to grow up and old with.

My fairytale also said “…..and they lived happily ever after.” This has not been the case, but still I am happy ----- ecstatic even, that I have met a man I have always dreamt of being with, perfect, yet fully human. We both have our faults, but in our desire to be faithful to our commitment, we have taken it upon ourselves to change, or at least to compromise and accept what the other is or is not. We know the road ahead is not easy and it would be folly to wish it were so. For how could love grow in depth and intensity if the path is not strewn with thorns that would bind us closer to each other?

Now, as we start planning our life together, we look beyond the walk in the aisle to the life we have as family. We are preparing for it, talking about it, dreaming about it.

Yes, my fairytale did come true. Only fairies did not tell it, and it was no mere tale. My prince really did come for me and although he didn’t come on a white horse, the love I found is no less remarkable and perfect.

This story could be yours, too. I have no exclusive rights to the happiness. Just believe and listen. And look at the stars from time to time. They may not tell you who it is or what’s being planned for you, but if you hold still for a moment or two, they may tell you the secret of owning the universe.

-------*

2007-05-26T23:52:00.000-07:00

You know it's true love when....

He inspires the poet in you...

Every day...

Thank you baby...

THE MOON’S GIFT

2007-05-26T23:50:00.000-07:00

For Tom...the man whose laughter has given me wings...

In the darkness of night
As my world slumbers
And as I dream
Of forgotten wishes
Of friends long gone
Of the mysteries of the Universe

Your world
Is bursting
With music
With color
With life.

It is a world
I can glimpse
Only through your eyes
A life I cannot fully
Understand.
It is a force that
Separates us,
Keeps us distinct
As Sun and Moon
Although we share the same sky
And watch over the same world

I do not understand the Moon—
Do not comprehend
How it can affect the tides
Or cause me
To turn into a werewolf
At the stroke of midnight
I cannot read its Face
Nor decipher the smile or
The tears
That merge
With its light.

But I do know
That the Moon
Lights your way.
It shows you
Where to you
As you tread on your path
To greatness
To glory
To peace.

It gives you
The Strength
The Wisdom
And the Courage
To do what is right
To seek what is just
To summon the Will
To live
And love.

There are many things
I do not understand,
Many things
That often cause
The crease on my brow,
The frown on my lips.
But these are the same things
That give you
The power
To be the pillar of my world
The ground beneath my feet
The Force that
Pushes me
To reach for the sky
And shine
By my own light.

For as I slumber
And dream
Of princes turned toads,
Of genies and faraway lands
You are using your gift
To nourish me,
Keep me safe,
And make my dreams come true.

There are many things
I may not understand
But I thank them
For the gift of you
And for the gift of your love
That greets me
As the moon bades farewell
And leaves me to the
Warm embrace
Of Day.

EROTIC LOVE

2007-05-26T22:18:00.000-07:00

There goes the idea of Socrates’ erotic love again—of one soul that was split into half and that goes through life searching for the Other. The idea that each person, each soul has a corresponding Other, and that there is someone made just for somebody else.(At least I think it could be attributed to Socrates, but I’m not really sure.)It’s funny because I feel it with my guy—I know that what we have is too real to dispute—but I still can’t bring myself to understand it. If there is exactly one person for everyone else in this world, then how do you explain all the failed relationships around us? Is it because people have been too impatient, and have settled for other partners, therefore barring themselves from meeting their True Soulmate? And, since there are now more women than men all over the world, does it mean that a good percentage of women are destined to go through life alone? And what if you don’t ever find The One? What happens then?It’s a scary thought—going through life alone, or going through life without someone whom you truly, deeply, passionately love. Maybe that’s why so many of us are in a mad scramble to commit ourselves to someone even at the risk of being stuck with “the wrong person”. Life is too perplexing and exhilarating at the same time to go through on your own.But, then again, who can blame us? Finding “the right person” is such a tricky deal—and it’s often the product of chance or pure luck—that you’d really rather put yourself in a safe and secure place, than go out there and risk coming back with nothing.However, I am reminded of another good friend of mine—someone who has already recognized her One True Love and who is not willing to settle for anything less—who told me once: “Life is already filled with so much mediocrity, and love shouldn’t be one of them.”She’s right. If Eros means seeking for the truest, deepest, most perfect kind of love of which we are capable; if it means knowing what’s Real and what’s Right and fighting for the right to have it; if True Love means never giving up until we’ve found our home in the Other, then I think we owe it to ourselves to live it.

LOVE

2007-05-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

“… Love is a choice. I don't know why, but I've always felt this statement was empowering—because it reminds me that love is not subject to the vagaries of time. It's something that you build with your partner, and something you have the power to nurture and grow. And it reminds you that when things get rocky, the decision is always yours—to give up on the life you've built together or fight for it. I know it sounds idealistic (especially coming from a cynic like me) but it's how I hope to make it through the next 50 years ;-)”I’ve said it so many times, and in so many ways, that it’s the little things that matter, the little choices that define us. It’s been said so many times, too, that it’s the little things that can make or break relationships and marriages. However, we must also remember that not all little things matter in the same way.
The act of choosing—the act of loving—is defined by what we decide to fight over and what we decide to tolerate or ignore. We’ll need to pick our battles wisely; we’ll need to constantly re-evaluate and redefine what we can or can’t live without, and what will or won’t kill us. Sometimes, the answers will surprise us.For instance, when I think of our apartment and feel tempted to throw a fit over the eternal mess in the living room, the food stains on the newly washed bed sheet, the food particle that was thrown in the kitchen sink, I pause for a moment and think: Are these little things really worth fighting over? I can’t say that I’m Monica meets Charlotte meets Bree meets the Stepford wives, but I do want to have my domicile as clutter-free and as shabby chic as possible, but is that reason enough to create tension in our already small space and disrupt the flow of good energy into our home? At the end of the day, I’d rather fall asleep with my husband in a comfortable mess, than sleep all alone in a sterile space.Sometimes I use this line to describe the dynamics in my relationship with Serg: “He has all the things that take the piss out of me, but he also has all the things that I absolutely, non-negotiably cannot live without.”A friend describes it a bit more grotesquely: “There will always be shit; it’s just a matter of figuring out what kind of shit you can live with.” heheheThe space, the mess, the money—these are issues that can be resolved with some planning, a lot of hard work, and some comfortable compromises. These, I can live with. But everything else that I have found only in and through my relationship with Sergio—an honest-to-goodness soulmate, a mentor, a partner, a bingeing buddy, a fellow sojourner… Music, paintings, loud colors, unconventional clothing, scrapbooks on the wall, purple roses, orange-and-yellow bouquets, gifts-just-because, late-night discourses on synchronicity and the Universe, shared crash diets and food fests, dave letterman and the apprentice, playing dress-up and taking pictures wherever, dreaming of Paris and Spain and exotic cultures, love for dogs—these are things that have not only defined our relationship, they have brought out more of MYSELF and have made me comfortable in my own skin.I have realized that instead of being in a constant state of angst over the things that I don’t have, because of Serg and our relationship, I am moving towards being in a constant state of celebration over experiences that no amount of wealth can buy.
Yes, the next time I experience anxiety attacks and have questions about being with someone “forever”, I will remember these things and choose love and the little things that I can’t live without—over and over again.

WHAT DOES HOLDING A HAND MEAN?

2007-05-21T06:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, it can mean just being there for the other person and hearing them out when they need a loving and patient ear. Though we’re poles apart when it comes to our personalities, Serg and I have this tendency to yak and whine about the same stuff over and over… and over. Now, if you were the other person and you also had something to whine about, it can get pretty tiresome listening to the other person going on and on like a broken record. But because we respect each other’s need to unload, we give each other that space to whine until we get tired and say, “Thanks for that. Now it’s your turn.” And the whining goes on. (You really just need to do it, sometimes.) Other times, holding hands can mean resisting the urge to fix things for the other person and giving them enough space to make their own decisions at their own time. Sure, it’s nice to go into “solution mode” especially when you think that the answer is already staring you right at the face, but I’ve realized—especially most recently—that everyone has his or her rhythm for doing things, and there are some things, some decisions that you just can’t rush. Holding hands means not pulling someone up or pushing them forward, but just staying still with that person—no matter where you are, no matter what the circumstance, even if you’re already itching to move. Holding hands in that way reflects how you respect each other’s individuality and how you trust each other to make good, sound decisions. Of course, it’s always good to ask for each other’s advice, especially when the decisions that have to be made will affect you both, but it’s also nice to just stand back and see how the other person moves. You discover much about the other person that way, and what you learn often amazes you.

HOLDING HANDS

2007-05-21T05:53:00.000-07:00

I wrote this for my crazy yet adorable guy. I feel happily strange knowing that, a thousand moons later, everything still applies--and probably more intensely than ever now.

Sometimes we don’t need a helping hand—we just need a holding hand.

Everyone needs a holding hand, I think—not someone who can push you forward or pull you up when the going gets tough, but someone who can stay put with you even when you’re stuck in uncomfortable situations--especially when you’re stuck in uncomfortable situations.
You know those days when it seems as if the whole world is against you and you just wanna shrivel up and die? That’s when you need someone to be there with you. Someone who can take the flak and the shit with you, someone who won’t run when you’re cornered in a dark alley, someone who’ll take Life’s punches and blows with you. Not someone who’d say, “Awww, baby, I know how you feel… here’s a hug”, but someone who still can’t speak because he got hit and bled just as much as you have.
I’m not saying that people shouldn’t do anything when they’re stuck in a rut, but sometimes there’s a value to just staying put and staying still---with each other. There were so many times in our relationship when either of us got slapped in the face by Life and found it so embarrassing to be in front of the other. Naturally, we wanted to show only the best sides of ourselves to each other and just retell the painful stories as if they were parts of a distant—even comic—past. But there were moments when we’d just catch each other at that exact moment when Life hit us really hard and we just stumbled and fell. And we just stayed there, immobilized by the pain… shamed by the thought that the one you wanted to shield from all this was right there, witnessing everything in real time. It would’ve been so easy for either of us to just say, “I give up. This is too much for me to handle,” and just run as fast as we can to the opposite direction. Instead we chose to say, “If this is part of being with you and loving you, then I’m taking it.” Not because we’re martyrs and we love the idea of sacrificing ourselves for the other (yeesh….), but because we know that loving the other person means going through Life with them—whatever Life means. Sometimes, it’s more bad than good. And there’s nothing much you can do. ….except to pray that something good happens soon. And to hold each other’s hand and cheer each other on.

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2007-05-14T22:57:00.000-07:00

My high school yearbook made this bold prediction : I was bound to come up with my BIG IBYANG Theory. Whoa. Stop the presses. There is no theory.I’m just trying to live the best possible life I can.
I’m past the quarter century mark and I think that’s a feat. I’m still standing--older and definitely a bit wiser.
I always say that baseball is a great metaphor of life. You’ve got 9 or so innings, 3 strikes, 4 balls, 3 outs. Life presents us with opportunities for us to step up to the plate and make things happen.
I believe in fate, luck, and accepting responsibility when you screw up your life.I believe in destiny.I enjoy meaningful conversations with people I trust and respect. Yes. RESPECT is very important. After all, respect is a manifestation of love.
I love my family. Completely.I adore my friends. Those that I have are great people---genuine.
I don’t like pretentious people. They smile and patronize you then attack you from behind.Cowards.
I like walking in the rain. Bathing in it remains to be a treasured childhood memory.I treasure my silence. Which explains why I enjoy the library and my studio.
It takes a while for me to open up to people. Some think I look ‘snobbish’. I’m not. That’s just my poker face. Hahaha.
My family thinks I’m a fastfood queen. No quarrel there. At this point I wish to thank Colonel Sanders for giving us that mouth-watering fried chicken.I don’t like capers, anchovies, ampalaya, bagoong, dinuguan, vegemite, durian & liver.
My brother thinks my drawings resemble those in Korean stationery. I draw!?
Favorite places in the mall (apart from food stalls) : bookstores, houseware, some women's clothing and beauty shops (yes..i do care about how i look!). Seriously.
The way to my heart is through notes/emails, food and my family.Those who’ve known me for years all agree that I look better now than I did in high school. If you had seen me then, you’d understand. What can I say, I’m a late bloomer.
I stopped watching NBA the moment Sir Charles Barkley retired.The t.v, series "HEROES" is my pilgrimage. You’d have to pry my boyfrien and I away from the TV. The TV comes to life---we practically yell at it.
If I could teleport, I’d be in New York half the time.I read “Catcher in the Rye” and found a friend in Holden. Weird, or maybe not.
My friends think I’m a real cry baby. hahaha. I’m not. I’m just a sentimental schmuck. There’s a difference. :-)
Crying is not a sign of weaknes. I try not to sweat the small stuff… Life’s too short.I have a lot of patience but cross me or any of those I love once, and we’re done.
I forgive but I rarely forget. Is that bad?
I suppose I'm fun to be with. It doesn't take much to make me laugh. Some bodily functions still bawl me over --- utot, etats. Hahaha.
Contrary to what my testimonials say, i am not a workaholic. I do take time to stop and smell the roses.

Enough said.

Christian Bale Does It Again (for me)

2007-03-21T23:27:00.000-07:00

I have a list. Yes, that list, whereby I dream of the famous fellows I’d like to bed should I ever have the opportunity and even though I’m off-limits now, my man says I’m allowed the list. Of course, he does complain that it seems to grow ever longer, what with the Jason Mraz of this world.

Now my number one spot has historically gone to the best Batman there ever was, Christian Bale. He’s been bumped off a couple of times by Gerard Butler (post-PS I love you) and the aforementioned Jason (post-we sing we dance we steal things album.)

But what snagged Christian the permanent top slot is an interview I happened to catch on Charlie Rose just after having seen Rescue Dawn. (I do want to point out that the movie was my guy's idea, not mine. He’s way into war movies…)

Anyway, there’s Christian with his fantastic Welsh accent discussing the making of the movie and when he’s asked about his “craft”, the craft of acting, he actually answered that he found talking about acting boring. That he’s extremely fortunate and grateful to be able to make movies but that he found it more interesting to discuss books or music. Quite frankly, when he said that, I think my man actually got a bit of a male crush on him.

I’ve seen few actors being interviewed and I can tell you there’s nothing more irritating than one discussing his “craft” so Christian gained a permanent place in my extramarital fantasies with that answer. I’m just thinking about this today b/c I happened to read a Details interview on him (following a thread through the Jason Mraz interview!) So yeah, he’s as thoughtful and interesting as ever. Sigh. Oh, and he’s happily married with a daughter. Double sigh.

CHRONICLES OF BOREDOM

Just wondering ...

THIS DOES NOT BODE WELL...

QUOTE OF THE DAY

QUOTE OF THE DAY

So You Wanna Be ... A Condom Tester?

CHECK THIS OUT

TERMS OF ENDEARMENT

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You’re Special

WOW

FUNNIEST BIRTHDAY CARD EVER!

PORN AND SWORDS

THE 3 WONDERS OF A WOMAN...

AM I TOO FRIENDLY?

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Because Nothing Says Bridal Wear Like a Totally Naked Man

TAG FROM FEL

Dream-Invader

My Life Philosophy in One Sentence: Part 1 of 354

WHO PAYS?

SPORTS ILLUSTRATED MAGAZINE

British Bulldog

The talk

Here’s To Me, Mrs. Robinson

MORE TAGS....

QUOTE OF THE DAY

ANOTHER TAG FROM FEL...

AWARD

BEAUTY SECRETS TAG

EROS....

YOU CAN NEVER PLEASE EVERYONE…!

SERENDIPITY WALKS

LOVE THY SELF

CRYING

HUSBANDS

RESOLUTIONS

DESPERATE LONGING....

My Lesser-known Hobby

LOOKING THE OTHER WAY

OPENNESS

COURAGE COMES IN DIFFERENT SHAPES

AFTER A WHILE...

I've been tagged by Jenneth and Fel...

Sexy Voices

DE-STRESSing...

Excerpt from "The Purpose-Driven Life"

MEANING

Ease with Enya

MEET JOE BLACK

Good Reading Partner

QUOTE OF THE DAY

LEGOS

HIGH SCHOOL...

Anger, Despair, and Hope in the Time of Rendition

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE by Maya Angelou

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Quote of the Day

RAMBO

JOURNEY TO THE CENTRE OF THE CRUST

SENTI

RECLAIMING AN OLD (BUT TRUE) LOVE

RACIAL DISCRIMINATION

CINDERELLA MAN

BUDDHA LESSON

THE TRICK IS TO KEEP BREATHING....

SOAP ANDL LEAVES ON A SUNDAY...

BATTERY FULL

MY FAIRYTALE...

****-------*****

THE MOON’S GIFT

EROTIC LOVE

LOVE

WHAT DOES HOLDING A HAND MEAN?

HOLDING HANDS

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Christian Bale Does It Again (for me)

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