WOW

Every woman in the history of the world, at one point or another, has voiced complaints to the man she's seeing - and it is our collective fantasy (something which almost always remains a fantasy) that said man actually listen to our complaints, take time to reflect upon them, and then - holy crap - maybe ... evolve ?!?!

This is one of those (tragically rare) instances, and all I have to say is, if every guy so freely admitted his mistakes, no one would get any work done. They'd all be busy having incredibly hot makeup sex.

On second thought, maybe it's good men are, on the whole, relentlessly stubborn - if only to protect our GDP.

FUNNIEST BIRTHDAY CARD EVER!

A friend of mine gave me this card for my birthday...now if this isn't the funniest card ever, then i don't know what is!











P.S. You have to read it with the best italian accent u can possible muster! hehehe

PORN AND SWORDS

Not THOSE swords, you sickie. The real kind.

This recent AP story is a fantastic example of NOT burying the lead ...

PORN DVD SCREAMS PROMPT SWORD 'RESCUE'

A man says he broke into an apartment with a cavalry sword because he thought he heard a woman being raped, but the sound actually was from a pornographic movie his upstairs neighbour was watching.

"Now I feel stupid," said James Van Iveren, who has been charged in the case.

Actually, I think it's sort of sweet. If more neighbours brandished cavalry swords, we might decrease domestic violence (or vibrator usage) significantly.

Although I think my favourite part is further into the article, when it's revealed that "The neighbour later played for police the part of the DVD he believed Van Iveren heard downstairs."

I love that the police were like, "Um, yeah ... we're gonna need to, you know, watch that porn. Just to see, of course. Just doing our job. Just investigating."

Right…!

THE 3 WONDERS OF A WOMAN...

1. Gives milk without having to eat grass...

2. Gets wet without water...

3. Bleeds for a week without going to die...

and according to a friend of mine, there's two more:

4. Makes boneless things hard... and

5. Makes men wanna eat without having to cook...!


Oh come on...we all need to have a bit of a laugh...*winks*

AM I TOO FRIENDLY?

Last weekend, I spent a lot of time with my friend Bella, who had a traumatic incident on Friday in the Coles parking lot. We were in her car when we spotted her ex with his new girlfriend. Actually, she's not new. Bella found out a few weeks ago that he had been dating them both at the same time.

When we saw him, I didn't have much time to react, but I think I waved. Afterwards, I kept asking, "Did I wave? Did I just wave at him?" I might have even smiled--it's my default expression. Now, this ex did a selfish, dishonest thing, but deep down he is a good human being. What should I have done? Abandon my manners and flip him the bird? It's hard for me to show anger, but if I'm nice to Bella's ex, then am I a pushover who doesn't stand up for herself or her friend, or womankind? What is the proper reaction to seeing an ex in a grocery store parking lot? Surely it's not a friendly wave?

----*****-----

My friend called me last night as I was washing the dishes. "Do you think I'm a slut?" she asked. "Um, no. Do you think I am?" I said. I had no idea where she was going with this. My girl is 30, has a high-powered career, owns her own place and I'd trust her with my own child (if I had one). Above all, she barely dates and is more of a relationship girl. Slut? Not quite.

I pressed: "Why would I think that?" She ranted: "Met a suit at the hotel bar where my business meeting was. He bought me drinks and a cheese plate and I took him home. We had sex [dude sprung for a cheese plate, you better had--I kid, I kid!]. Sex in my bed, then in the shower." I'm still not following. She's a 30-year-old woman who I know for a fact is on the Pill, so it's not like she was going to get storked! And she told me he used a condom both times, so she did play it safe.

Here's why she thinks she's a "slore": In the morning before he left he gave her his number and asked if she'd like to have dinner this weekend (aw, sweet!), but as soon as the door shut behind him, she threw out his number. "Why?" I asked. "There was something very pushy about him and he seemed too comfortable in my apartment," she said. When I asked what that meant, she said before they fell asleep he turned the TV on and watched the news. Um, OK? So?

Personally, I would have gone to dinner with the dude, I mean there was an obvious physical attraction, right? This got me thinking, are one night stands ever OK? My opinion: She's a consensual adult, on the Pill and they used a condom--twice. She's a single woman who had a little fun. So not a slut. And what's up with women thinking of themselves as sluts, anyway?! That word has got to go.

Because Nothing Says Bridal Wear Like a Totally Naked Man

Wedding season's coming up. Trying to find something to go with that brand new bridal gown you just bought? How about a completely naked dude?

While surfing TheKnot.com the other night with my friend Melissa, we stumbled upon these ACTUAL PHOTOGRAPHIC ADS depicting possible future wedding dresses.

At first, we were confused. What the hell was a naked man doing there? Did he come with? Because that sounds like a really good deal, except that most normal women, when actively searching for a wedding dress, have the whole "man" thing pretty much covered.

Furthermore, when these women think about their future wedding dress, they probably aren't like, "Wow, I really love this dress, but the thing that would make me want to buy it even more is if I could see it pictured with a totally naked man who isn't in any way my fiance rubbing his totally naked body against its pristine white fabric!"

Although maybe there are discounts for stains?

Um, honey ... this is fine for the wedding dress ad photos, but I'm going to insist you wear a tux to the wedding. No. Seriously. 'NUDE' DOES NOT WORK WITH MY COLOUR SCHEME.