YOU ASKED FOR IT!

So I have been minding my own business. You know, doing good things for myself - something I have hardly done in the last couple of years because I put someone else's needs before mine. I've been enjoying my life, dating a new guy and it's been good so far. Though I'm being ridiculously cautious because if I don't watch it, I'll end up waking up 20 minutes early EVERY SINGLE MORNING before I go to work to make him breakfast WHILE HE SLEEPS IN, feel uber guilty because I was too tired to do the laundry and he ran out of clean underwear to wear, take up cooking classes because he thinks I don't know how to cook with soul, stroke his ego and make sure I would post all the good things that he did for me on FB, drop everything because he needs assistance, drive to town in the middle of the night (even on those nights when I badly need to rest or when I'm sick) because he forgot something from home and he needs it for his job, message every single one of my FB friends and NAG them to like his professional page because I want him to progress in his career, CONTEMPLATE on having a THREESOME with another girl because it's his unfulfilled fantasy and I really want him to be happy.
YES. I HAD YOU AT THREESOME, RIGHT? Like on NYE, I wouldn't want to be with a guy who would tell me off because I didn't flirt with the french girl at the cross and that girl is a really good THREESOME MATERIAL. NAH. I wouldn't want that!!! Especially when 2 days before NYE, I received news that my 8 year old jack russell terrier passed away. I wouldn't want to be with an insensitive guy who expects me to not grieve over my puppy's death so I could scout a little french slut to have a threesome with instead. And if that's not bad enough, I ended up apologising to him because he put it in my head that I drag him down. Apparently, we all go through shit especially considering that his dad passed away like 4 years ago and yet, he never puts it on anyone. Good logic! My dog passed away 2 days ago. Seriously, I should just really get over it and celebrate NYE with a bang and have a threesome!! YAYYYY! Everyone wins!
NO!!! I don't want to be in that kind of relationship anymore. That's why I'm taking it slow with this dude that I'm dating right now. After all, who would want the headache???? Imagine what he might do to me when we break up. He might kick me out of his apartment. You know, like give me 2 weeks notice (IN WRITING - both soft and hard copy just to be sure). Or he might threaten to kick me out of his apartment every time we fight despite the fact that I was paying rent and half of all the expenses. And then once I move out of his place, he might message our mutual friends and make them choose between me and him like our relationship is some kind of tug-of-war game in kindie. Then he might send me an email detailing everything that I owe him despite the fact that I have paid for his entire holiday to a tropical destination because he couldn't afford it at that time. And if I would do the embarrassing thing and tally it up, he'd owe me more than I owed him. And he might exaggerate on everything that transpired in our relationship and cry to his mum and everyone else about it because really, he's the victim here and I'm just the spawn of satan. I could go on about all the bad things that could happen in my relationship with this new guy that I'm dating but you get the gist, right?
So anyway, going back to my original point.....I have been minding my own business.....you know, doing stuff...getting all happy and livin' life, when I get a phone call from the police saying that my passport was handed over by someone from my past. So here I am thinking that maybe that person has seen the light or some weird shit like that and they just wanted to make things right so peace can finally be achieved between us. I went to see the Constable who was holding my passport feeling all excited but then she explained the situation to me. Apparently, that person filed a report against me saying that I'm a threat to their life. They stated that I was violent towards them and they're scared that I will physically harm them in the future. It makes me proud to know that a tiny asian girl could scare a grown man's ass!!! Anyway, there are no criminal charges because the police was confused as to what this person is trying to do. Apparently, they're just scared that I'll ruin their career.
Hmmmm...Seriously, if you have nothing to hide, should you really be scared? And as I said, I've been minding my own business. I have better things to do than ruin someone's life. I mean, if I really wanted to, I could have gone to the police and get a search warrant for them to find my passport in that person's house, right? If I really wanted to, that person would have been done for felony considering how angry I was because I missed out on a working holiday to Miami and Cuba because the fucktard was hiding my passport. But I didn't. YES, That's right. I didn't do it because I have what most of us might refer to as DECENCY. And I fight like a man. I confront people. I don't go crying to my mama and everyone else about it to get sympathy. I know what happened and that's what matters the most. I go to bed at night with NO GUILT in my conscience. I can look back and say, "Yup. You wore your heart on your sleeve girl and you got played real bad!" I don't go in denial trying to convince myself and the rest of the world that I was the victim. I don't try to build a stupid-ass army and work so damn hard to get people on my side. That's just LAME!!!! I'm not in high school anymore. Other people's opinion of me doesn't define who I am. I don't micromanage my reputation because I have the emotional intelligence to know that not everyone has to like me.
So anyway, like I said, I was doing happy things when I got the phone call from the police. You see, I am a nice person and when I'm good, I'm very very good. But when I'm bad, I'm fucking SENSATIONAL!!!! But I think I'm done being good. I was actually being good and look where that got me. So there you go....YOU ASKED FOR IT.

Moving On....

And all in an instant, everything changes. We leave the past behind and speed towards the unknown. OUR FUTURE. We set out for far away places and try to find ourselves. Or try to lose ourselves. Exploring pleasures closer to home. The problems start when we refuse to let change happen, and cling to old habits. But if we hold on to the past too tight, the future may never come. So we move on. And moving on is not falling back into the same old pattern. And we don't set it up so the world sees us doing it. We just do it - with or without an audience.
He was bent on proving to me and everyone else (and to himself- ESPECIALLY TO HIMSELF) that he's moved on. He wanted to make sure that he finds someone new in no time. And he's not looking back. And yes, I may have laughed a little when I found out that his elaborate attempt at a new relationship failed miserably especially after he flamboyantly displayed it on FB for the world to see. Little does he know that for most people, that time comes at a price. Instead of healing old wounds, the process just opens new ones. Time after time.
I, on the other hand, am taking pleasure in getting to know the independent, fierce and fun-loving woman who doesn't need another relationship to be happy. For even though new journeys can start with a single step, they can end just as quickly with a single misstep. Men will have to wait. I am taking my time because getting back up after having been mercilessly scorned, humiliated and bullied by that one person who promised to love and protect me is the hardest, albeit most gratifying thing that I've ever had to do. I was in a relationship where I have depleted myself to the point where I had nothing left. I will take as much time as I need to fill up my love jar once again because at this very stage, I am not capable of loving anyone else but myself.
And as for him, he's finally learning that when it comes to life’s bitter pills, the hardest to swallow is a taste of your own medicine. A friend of mine said the most poignant things to me tonight. He said, "People can do everything in their power to cover up the truth and work night and day to get the whole world on their side, but at the end of it all, when they go to sleep at night, that inner voice knows the truth and that's more painful than the pain they have caused the other person to feel." Wise words Mr. C. After all, you gotta be able to explain things to yourself when the lights go off and you get in bed. You gotta deal with you at the end of the day.