Moving On....

And all in an instant, everything changes. We leave the past behind and speed towards the unknown. OUR FUTURE. We set out for far away places and try to find ourselves. Or try to lose ourselves. Exploring pleasures closer to home. The problems start when we refuse to let change happen, and cling to old habits. But if we hold on to the past too tight, the future may never come. So we move on. And moving on is not falling back into the same old pattern. And we don't set it up so the world sees us doing it. We just do it - with or without an audience.
He was bent on proving to me and everyone else (and to himself- ESPECIALLY TO HIMSELF) that he's moved on. He wanted to make sure that he finds someone new in no time. And he's not looking back. And yes, I may have laughed a little when I found out that his elaborate attempt at a new relationship failed miserably especially after he flamboyantly displayed it on FB for the world to see. Little does he know that for most people, that time comes at a price. Instead of healing old wounds, the process just opens new ones. Time after time.
I, on the other hand, am taking pleasure in getting to know the independent, fierce and fun-loving woman who doesn't need another relationship to be happy. For even though new journeys can start with a single step, they can end just as quickly with a single misstep. Men will have to wait. I am taking my time because getting back up after having been mercilessly scorned, humiliated and bullied by that one person who promised to love and protect me is the hardest, albeit most gratifying thing that I've ever had to do. I was in a relationship where I have depleted myself to the point where I had nothing left. I will take as much time as I need to fill up my love jar once again because at this very stage, I am not capable of loving anyone else but myself.
And as for him, he's finally learning that when it comes to life’s bitter pills, the hardest to swallow is a taste of your own medicine. A friend of mine said the most poignant things to me tonight. He said, "People can do everything in their power to cover up the truth and work night and day to get the whole world on their side, but at the end of it all, when they go to sleep at night, that inner voice knows the truth and that's more painful than the pain they have caused the other person to feel." Wise words Mr. C. After all, you gotta be able to explain things to yourself when the lights go off and you get in bed. You gotta deal with you at the end of the day.