20 THINGS I'VE LEARNED IN 2014

So 2014 is nearly over and as a personal tradition, I usually fill in my jar of happiness with things that made my year a kick-ass one. But as most of you probably know, I’ve gone through rough times this year so instead, I filled my HAPPINESS JAR with lessons that I will perpetually be grateful for.
Here are the things that I’ve learned this year:
1. When getting into a relationship, you should always trust your gut. There were so many red flags that I failed to acknowledge. Be cognisant of those little things that could potentially turn into a series of “WTF moments."
2. When someone is too good to be true, you can bet your ass that they are TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. My dad used to say that people who are very good at putting their best foot forward are either sociopaths and/or extremely insecure. He was right on both counts.
3. It doesn’t matter what the truth is, people will choose to believe their own version of it. What matters is that you know what truly happened and that’s pretty much the only ammunition you need in the pointless battle of ‘he said, she said’. My dad once said, ‘The only people who are more ignorant than slanderers are the ones who are foolish enough to believe them.’ Word, dad.
4. Crazy bitches exist. They are not a myth. There are truly crazy bitches out there. Choose your friends as thoroughly as you choose your lovers. I have been scorned by more women than men. The sisterhood that they all talk about is completely flawed. Some women are jealous, manipulative and crazy and just when you think that they can’t get any crazier, you'd soon find out that they have an underground garage of more crazy. So the next time you meet a potential new friend, BE CAREFUL. Do a background check. If she has a Peruvian accent and brags about her fake butt and constantly talks about it like it’s the Holy Grail, RUN AWAY. If she lies about her job, RUN AWAY. If she bites her nails constantly and talks about her being a rape victim to random strangers in the streets, RUN AWAY. If she gets annoyed because a dude is giving you attention instead of her, RUN AWAY. If she makes you lie to her fiancé about her whereabouts, RUN AWAY. If she obsesses over what other people say about her and nags you everyday why that other person said it, RUN AWAY!!!!
5. Do not share your plans to just about anyone. That’s what your bestriends are there for. Just because someone showed you their good side doesn’t mean you can trust them. Some people don’t have a conscience. They take advantage of you the moment you show your weakness. And that’s why I’m not trusting enough to really open up to anybody I don’t know very well anymore, which is good for my immune system.
6. In a relationship, both people have to compromise. BOTH PEOPLE. That sounds obvious, but so often in a relationship, one person expects the other to change themselves to be what they want. That’s not how it works. Someone told me that relationships are all about RELATING to other people and when it starts to become all about just one person, then there’s really no point in being there anymore.
7. Life happens on its own timetable. You can’t fast forward to the parts you want. So take all the time you need. Time MAY NOT heal all wounds. Some wounds stand the test of time better than any of the remaining wonders of the world. Some wounds are so deep that the only way time can remove them is by removing you along with them. But on the other hand, we sometimes find that TIME IS ENOUGH. Sometimes, time shows us that the feelings we felt were only to be felt in passing - as we passed on by and on to the next individual we love. That’s why you have to give time a chance. Make use of it. Even if it doesn’t do the trick of healing all your wounds, it will most certainly numb the pain. It will turn those vivd memories into blurry renditions.
8. Standing up for myself doesn’t make me a bitch - it makes me a HUMAN BEING WITH A BACKBONE. You should not feel guilty for retaliating. And it’s totally acceptable for you to throw a nuclear bomb after they chucked a grenade at you. That’s the art of war.
9. Revel in your own company. You don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy. The best relationship you can have is the one that you have with yourself. Men are not supposed to COMPLETE you. They should only COMPLEMENT you.
10. You can be the sweetest and juiciest peach of all peaches and you will still come across someone who hates peaches. I have learned this lesson at a very tender age. I’m not out to please everybody anymore - I’ve actually been out to try not to DISPLEASE anybody, and that’s even harder work. So screw that, too. I’m not a big fan of justifying my thoughts to people. I’ve known since high school that my take on things is not for everyone.
11. Just be f*cking honest about how you feel about people, while you’re alive. Do not make excuses for their misdemeanour. If they pissed you off, acknowledge it. You are not responsible for their issues. If they repeatedly hurt you and you still choose to stay, then this is where it stops being their fault. You have now become the perpetrator of the pain and misery that you feel. Own it. You're here because YOU made the decision, not because there was a consensus
12. For all the times we punish ourselves, very few times have we actually done something wrong. Be easy on yourself. You’re only young. Do not beat yourself up for your f*ck ups. If you didn’t make those mistakes then, you could very well make them in the future. Just be grateful for the lesson, learn from it and keep looking forward.
13. The way he treats his mother is pretty much how he will eventually treat you. Classic lesson. If he’s rude to the woman who carried him for 9 months in her womb and gave birth to him, he will definitely be disturbingly rude to you as well. This is a red flag that you cannot and should not ignore. And if his mother who is 65 years old will endeavour to compete with you when it comes to the looks department, then there’s something definitely wrong in the picture. RUN AWAY!!!!!
14. Know your worth. Do not let anyone insure you for less than your market value. Do not let anyone dictate what you are about as a person. You know yourself better than anyone else. You’re the only one who truly knows how you feel, your thoughts, your dreams, fears, and quirks. What other people see is just a semblance of what you choose to share of yourself.
15. Misery loves company. Just because you’re going through shit doesn’t mean you should surround yourself with equally miserable individuals. Surround yourself with positive people. My dad said, 'If you’re in a roomful of people and you find that you stopped learning from them, then you’re in the wrong room.’ True that! The company you keep can make or break your personal growth.
16. "I kept on complaining that I have no shoes until I met a man with no feet.” Your problems are never as big as you make them out to be and someone is always worse off than you. Stop playing the victim. There is always a solution. There’s no such thing as being trapped between the devil and the deep blue sea. There is always that silver lining. Milk it and use it to your advantage. Be aggressive in life. Keep reaching for the universe. Have a Plan B. Or a Plan C. Or a Plan D. Whatever you need to keep going. The only person who is capable of breaking you is YOU.
17. Be open to falling in love again but don’t wear your heart on your sleeve. Don’t try to fall in love with the entire person immediately. Allow yourself to fall in love in the shallowest of senses. Fall in love with bits and pieces. Allow your mind to wander and your imagination to draw conclusions that almost certainly don’t exist. Enjoy getting to know that person. Take as much time as you need because oftentimes, your heart will need a little bit more time to accept what your mind already knows.
18. Saying ‘It’s not meant to be’ is a pathetic way to drown out the pain and the guilt. Relationships fail because someone messed up. You didn’t get that job because you didn’t prepare for the interview. You didn’t pass the exam because you didn’t study hard enough. Saying ‘it’s not meant to be’ is just an excuse to justify failure.
19. Though our brain controls the actions, it’s our heart that gets the biggest workout. So listen to that inner voice more often. It will save you the heartache and the drama.
20. Getting involved in their petty childish games will only give them more ammunition against you. The best and most effective way to shut people down from your past is to keep them in your past. Live your life in the most awesome way possible and don’t look back. And be thankful for them - every single one of them. They made you who you are now. And even though the new year may not promise to be a better year for you, you know that you are a better and stronger person this time around. And that whatever this new year brings, nothing, and I mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING will break you.

ONE YEAR OLDER....A MILLION TIMES WISER.

So this year, I had planned on not celebrating my birthday at all but as it turns out, the universe decided to spin an unexpected twist in my storyline. Thanks to all the wonderful people in my life who stubbornly insist on loving me. My birthday ended up to be a week-long celebration because I have been blessed with beautiful friends who never leave even when I am in my most unlovable state. You know who you are. Thank you for taking me out to dinner and for showing me that ...Life truly is beautiful and that opening my heart to love again is not such a bad idea.
There had been a lot of weird twists to this story, most of which were brought about by crazy antagonists. But some stories open the door for something more. And then there are fairytale endings where the girl gets her prince. And endings that turn you introspective about your own life and your place in the world. And then there’s the ending that you saw coming a mile away and yet somehow still takes you by surprise. But my story isn’t ending. I'm just at the start of a brand new chapter. 

 xoxo EGM

FORGIVENESS

A very wise man once told me, "FORGIVENESS is the sweetest revenge." I never really understood the poignancy of this statement until today. This morning I woke up very light-hearted for some reason. And then I realised, I am no longer angry. The resentment is gone. If anything, I feel sorry for him. I feel sorry that he's still holding such unpleasant emotions towards me. And after all this time, he's still bound by his addiction to the drama. And that he still feels the nee...d to bother me and continuously slander my name to everyone.
But as of this moment, I am officially removing myself from this negative energy that he constantly throws at me. I am freeing myself from him. NO MORE DRAMA. The AVO hearing is his last attempt to control me but I'm done. I'm finally happy again. Truly. I felt it this weekend. I'm ready to open up again.
A friend of mine once said, "Remember, you don't forgive someone for his or her sake - you forgive them for your sake." Well, true that! And on that note, I just read that as "sake", the drink. I think that means it's time for me to get some sushi.

YOU ASKED FOR IT!

So I have been minding my own business. You know, doing good things for myself - something I have hardly done in the last couple of years because I put someone else's needs before mine. I've been enjoying my life, dating a new guy and it's been good so far. Though I'm being ridiculously cautious because if I don't watch it, I'll end up waking up 20 minutes early EVERY SINGLE MORNING before I go to work to make him breakfast WHILE HE SLEEPS IN, feel uber guilty because I was too tired to do the laundry and he ran out of clean underwear to wear, take up cooking classes because he thinks I don't know how to cook with soul, stroke his ego and make sure I would post all the good things that he did for me on FB, drop everything because he needs assistance, drive to town in the middle of the night (even on those nights when I badly need to rest or when I'm sick) because he forgot something from home and he needs it for his job, message every single one of my FB friends and NAG them to like his professional page because I want him to progress in his career, CONTEMPLATE on having a THREESOME with another girl because it's his unfulfilled fantasy and I really want him to be happy.
YES. I HAD YOU AT THREESOME, RIGHT? Like on NYE, I wouldn't want to be with a guy who would tell me off because I didn't flirt with the french girl at the cross and that girl is a really good THREESOME MATERIAL. NAH. I wouldn't want that!!! Especially when 2 days before NYE, I received news that my 8 year old jack russell terrier passed away. I wouldn't want to be with an insensitive guy who expects me to not grieve over my puppy's death so I could scout a little french slut to have a threesome with instead. And if that's not bad enough, I ended up apologising to him because he put it in my head that I drag him down. Apparently, we all go through shit especially considering that his dad passed away like 4 years ago and yet, he never puts it on anyone. Good logic! My dog passed away 2 days ago. Seriously, I should just really get over it and celebrate NYE with a bang and have a threesome!! YAYYYY! Everyone wins!
NO!!! I don't want to be in that kind of relationship anymore. That's why I'm taking it slow with this dude that I'm dating right now. After all, who would want the headache???? Imagine what he might do to me when we break up. He might kick me out of his apartment. You know, like give me 2 weeks notice (IN WRITING - both soft and hard copy just to be sure). Or he might threaten to kick me out of his apartment every time we fight despite the fact that I was paying rent and half of all the expenses. And then once I move out of his place, he might message our mutual friends and make them choose between me and him like our relationship is some kind of tug-of-war game in kindie. Then he might send me an email detailing everything that I owe him despite the fact that I have paid for his entire holiday to a tropical destination because he couldn't afford it at that time. And if I would do the embarrassing thing and tally it up, he'd owe me more than I owed him. And he might exaggerate on everything that transpired in our relationship and cry to his mum and everyone else about it because really, he's the victim here and I'm just the spawn of satan. I could go on about all the bad things that could happen in my relationship with this new guy that I'm dating but you get the gist, right?
So anyway, going back to my original point.....I have been minding my own business.....you know, doing stuff...getting all happy and livin' life, when I get a phone call from the police saying that my passport was handed over by someone from my past. So here I am thinking that maybe that person has seen the light or some weird shit like that and they just wanted to make things right so peace can finally be achieved between us. I went to see the Constable who was holding my passport feeling all excited but then she explained the situation to me. Apparently, that person filed a report against me saying that I'm a threat to their life. They stated that I was violent towards them and they're scared that I will physically harm them in the future. It makes me proud to know that a tiny asian girl could scare a grown man's ass!!! Anyway, there are no criminal charges because the police was confused as to what this person is trying to do. Apparently, they're just scared that I'll ruin their career.
Hmmmm...Seriously, if you have nothing to hide, should you really be scared? And as I said, I've been minding my own business. I have better things to do than ruin someone's life. I mean, if I really wanted to, I could have gone to the police and get a search warrant for them to find my passport in that person's house, right? If I really wanted to, that person would have been done for felony considering how angry I was because I missed out on a working holiday to Miami and Cuba because the fucktard was hiding my passport. But I didn't. YES, That's right. I didn't do it because I have what most of us might refer to as DECENCY. And I fight like a man. I confront people. I don't go crying to my mama and everyone else about it to get sympathy. I know what happened and that's what matters the most. I go to bed at night with NO GUILT in my conscience. I can look back and say, "Yup. You wore your heart on your sleeve girl and you got played real bad!" I don't go in denial trying to convince myself and the rest of the world that I was the victim. I don't try to build a stupid-ass army and work so damn hard to get people on my side. That's just LAME!!!! I'm not in high school anymore. Other people's opinion of me doesn't define who I am. I don't micromanage my reputation because I have the emotional intelligence to know that not everyone has to like me.
So anyway, like I said, I was doing happy things when I got the phone call from the police. You see, I am a nice person and when I'm good, I'm very very good. But when I'm bad, I'm fucking SENSATIONAL!!!! But I think I'm done being good. I was actually being good and look where that got me. So there you go....YOU ASKED FOR IT.

Moving On....

And all in an instant, everything changes. We leave the past behind and speed towards the unknown. OUR FUTURE. We set out for far away places and try to find ourselves. Or try to lose ourselves. Exploring pleasures closer to home. The problems start when we refuse to let change happen, and cling to old habits. But if we hold on to the past too tight, the future may never come. So we move on. And moving on is not falling back into the same old pattern. And we don't set it up so the world sees us doing it. We just do it - with or without an audience.
He was bent on proving to me and everyone else (and to himself- ESPECIALLY TO HIMSELF) that he's moved on. He wanted to make sure that he finds someone new in no time. And he's not looking back. And yes, I may have laughed a little when I found out that his elaborate attempt at a new relationship failed miserably especially after he flamboyantly displayed it on FB for the world to see. Little does he know that for most people, that time comes at a price. Instead of healing old wounds, the process just opens new ones. Time after time.
I, on the other hand, am taking pleasure in getting to know the independent, fierce and fun-loving woman who doesn't need another relationship to be happy. For even though new journeys can start with a single step, they can end just as quickly with a single misstep. Men will have to wait. I am taking my time because getting back up after having been mercilessly scorned, humiliated and bullied by that one person who promised to love and protect me is the hardest, albeit most gratifying thing that I've ever had to do. I was in a relationship where I have depleted myself to the point where I had nothing left. I will take as much time as I need to fill up my love jar once again because at this very stage, I am not capable of loving anyone else but myself.
And as for him, he's finally learning that when it comes to life’s bitter pills, the hardest to swallow is a taste of your own medicine. A friend of mine said the most poignant things to me tonight. He said, "People can do everything in their power to cover up the truth and work night and day to get the whole world on their side, but at the end of it all, when they go to sleep at night, that inner voice knows the truth and that's more painful than the pain they have caused the other person to feel." Wise words Mr. C. After all, you gotta be able to explain things to yourself when the lights go off and you get in bed. You gotta deal with you at the end of the day.

LOVE IS STUPID

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘I love you but I can't be with you anymore’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love

LOVE IS STUPID