“Eros does not exist!”So exclaimed a colleague of mine last night over dinner. I was shocked. She is a beautiful, intelligent, and passionate fashionista with a cause… who has access to many of life’s gifts and who probably holds the key to many men’s hearts—how could she say that Eros does not exist??She was seconded by another workmate of mine—a great poet, playwright, filmmaker, and creative genius who, in the pursuit of his One Muse here on Earth, has awoken all the other muses of the heavens and has probably swept them off their wings and into the harem of his mind.I was shattered. How could my friends—these amazingly talented and passionate individuals—no longer believe in magic, in passion, in destiny, in all these wonderful things that make love maddening yet sobering, that make life chaotic yet serene? How could they turn their backs on the madness and embrace a life that is staid, bland, and… dead?
Monday, May 26, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
YOU CAN NEVER PLEASE EVERYONE…!
One of the most valuable lessons that I’ve learned whilst growing up is TO KEEP IT REAL… to ALWAYS BE TRUE TO YOURSELF no matter what kind of issues you’re going through. I remember a conversation that I once had with one of my high school bestfriends-----she told me to stop trying too hard to make everybody like me coz it’s never gonna happen. It is only when I grew older that I truly grasped the real significance of what she said to me. Ironically though, I find myself doing the same thing these days. I seem to keep falling into the same trap over and over again.
I have to say that it is such a very unhealthy trait to have---not to mention exhausting! But I guess I do it to avoid (as much as I can) any divergence in my life. And by doing so, I make myself totally oblivious to the fact that I’m not really doing myself any favour by constantly striving to please everyone else around me. A very wise man (my dad) once said that if EVERYBODY LOVES YOU THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO, THEN YOU WON’T BECOME A BETTER PERSON. He couldn’t be more right!
After taking into consideration all the more recent experiences (growing pains) that I went through, I now realize (COMPLETELY) that it is utterly impossible to satisfy everyone. No matter how many times you win the “MISS CONGENIALITY” title, someone out there will still hate your guts for reasons that only they could substantiate. But that doesn’t make you a cast-off. It just means that you’re REAL….and that you don’t need everyone else’s approval to validate your sense of SELF-WORTH.
SERENDIPITY WALKS
There’s a certain kind of grace that comes with walking without expectations, in just letting your feet guide you and allowing your senses to become fully absorbed in the walk itself. It is not walking to burn calories; neither is it walking to be on your way to somewhere. It is simply walking for the sake of walking. This is what I call my “Serendipity Walk.”When I go on a Serendipity Walk, I ask the stars to “lead me to whatever I need to see.” I usually start off in a comfortable place, such as in a mall, and then let my feet take me to wherever they feel I need to be (within the bounds of safety and reason, of course). Such walks have led me to great conversations with strangers, shopping finds that I would normally not see on a regular shopping trip, or gems of wisdom disguised as signposts, posters, book titles, shop names, and greeting cards. Of course, such a walk also presupposes that one has the time to walk without expectation, and so I do this when (a) there is absolutely nothing better to do in my to-do list, or (b) I feel that my brain’s batteries are dead and need to be recharged.Sometimes, though, I find that it’s best to go on a Serendipity Walk PRECISELY when you’re tired and overwhelmed and you just need some space. The act of clearing out a bit of your schedule and just letting all urgencies fly off into the air can be a liberating and enlivening experience.
Here's to Serendipity, and to allowing ourselves to be led by our souls. May your Walks be as pleasant as mine have been!
LOVE THY SELF
I say it without shame: I love myself for who I am and what I have become! And credit goes to the Little Eva who loved playing with remote control cars, robots, built Lego towns and then made short animated clips out of the characters there, who kept diary after diary filled with poems, stories, and odes to then-crushes. I am a product of the choices that I had made as a child, and it’s only through the power of hindsight that I can say that I am happy to have made those choices.
My childhood wasn’t perfect, though. I grew up lonely and self-conscious. People (family, friends and strangers alike) ostracized me for being a little too overweight and that unfortunately crippled my self-belief (until now to a certain extent). But I managed to get through it (though it was unbearably painful at times) by being everybody’s teddy bear. It was the only way I know that people would respond to me in a positive mode.Ironically, however, it was in facing the scars and facing the pain once again that I have learned to make peace with myself. There are certain things that can no longer be changed, but these all carry valuable lessons that I will bring with me as I move forward. When I came face to face with myself and saw things as they were, I appreciated once more how everything turned out the way they did. It’s like that wonderful pause in the middle of a conversation with your best friend when you sigh contentedly and say, “Things have a funny way of working out, don’t they?” They sure do.
CRYING
Shedding tears is something I do quite easily. Whenever I see a sappy commercial or movie, hear a memorable song, or find myself in a particularly moving moment, the tears very easily fall from my eyes. But I hardly let myself cry. Crying, to me, is something that springs from the depths of my heart and soul and pours out onto the open world for everyone to see. Although I’m quite open when I write, I am not so when I cry. If I can avoid crying and letting my emotions overwhelm me, I do.
But this is also why, when I do cry, it sometimes feels like I’m approaching the verge of a nervous breakdown. The triggers vary, as does the depth of the well of tears. Sometimes it seems like the pain won’t go away, that the tears won’t run out, and that I just might run out of breath trying to catch it.
This article that I found in my inbox, which the Universe sent my way this morning, is a good reminder to just let the feelings flow. Crying isn’t a sign of weakness; being unable to handle our emotions well is.
Taken from the Daily Om:
Most of us have had the experience of holding back our emotions for such a long period of time that when they finally come out, we have something resembling a breakdown. This is because we are releasing feelings that have accumulated over a long period of time, and whatever inspired the release was just a catalyst for a much larger, much needed catharsis.
When we find ourselves in the midst of such an experience, it is important that we allow it to happen, rather than fight it or try to shut down. Wherever we are, we can try to find a private, safe place in which to let our feelings out. If we can not access such a place immediately, we can promise to set aside some time for ourselves at our earliest possible convenience, perhaps taking a day off work. The important thing is that we need to give our emotional system some much-needed attention.
My Lesser-known Hobby
I could stand in the greeting cards section for hours opening up cards and reading on...and on...and on...Seriously. Hands down, the most hilarious card I have ever gotten was made by John Callahan, a quadriplegic with an exceptionally unique and outrageous sense of humour. It had a picture of an Italian dude singing one of my all-time favorite songs, "Moonriver", while rowing a gondola. His passengers, a touristey-looking couple, were looking at the hairy butts sticking out from the surface of the river. Hahahahaha. Get it? It never fails to get me cracking...
And if you're lucky you just might run into a card whose words get you...thinking. In my most recent trip to the bookstore, I read one such card written by Renee Duvall for Hallmark. I bought it and stuck it above my study table, right beside my copy of Desiderata.
It reads:
" It happens like this --
you're going along,
living your life,
and everything's splendid.
(Lah-de-dah, lah-de-dah, lah-de-dah...OUCH!)
You hop around like a MANIAC
on your good foot,
holding what is now
your bad foot in your hands.
BUT...will your toe always hurt?
No.
Does the OUCH part
take away any of the
"lah-de-dah-HERE-I-AM-LIVING-MY-LIFE-
WITH-A-BIG-FAT-SMILEY-FACE" part?
Uh-uh.
Will you stub your toe again?
Probably.
Will you go humming merrily
on your way again?
Certainly.
That's the beauty
of impermanence.
It happens like that."
Friday, May 23, 2008
LOOKING THE OTHER WAY
Yesterday I was taking the trains home from my meetings in Potts Point as i didn't particularly feel like driving. When I arrived at Central station, it was a HORROR to see a long queue on the exit counters! Hundreds of people were squeezing their way through two or three turntiles, and you had a choice of getting stepped on, getting elbowed out, getting groped where you didn't want anyone's hands on (though this never actually happened to me—heheheh).
In my moment of confusion and desperation, I looked over to the left set of exit counters... and there they were, free, empty, and practically calling out to me with their open arms. With a smug smile on my face, I stepped back from the mob, stepped a little to my left, and sauntered onto the exit which I had all to myself. I could not believe it--hundreds of people pushing and jostling their way into the right exit counters, totally forgetting that you could exit from two sides of the station.
And that's how it is with us and life, sometimes. We're too focused on "the usual route" or on doing things "the way it's always been done" that we forget about the multitude of options that exist around us. We stress over making the perfect pad thai when there's a good thai restaurant a few blocks from home. We curse the heavy traffic on the main thoroughfares when the side streets often offer a quicker way home. We cry over a fool of an ex-lover and let who could potentially be The One get away.
We stress over so many things, make so many excuses for ourselves and for other people... when, sometimes, all it takes to get things done, to meet the love of our life, or to discover our true path... is to swivel our stubborn heads to the other side, and look the other way.
OPENNESS
I find some comfort in the words of Indian Nobel Prize winner, Rabindranath Tagore: “For undisguised pursuit of self has its safety in openness, like filth exposed to the sun and air.”
In my search for a deeper sense of identity and purpose, I have discovered that there is, indeed, some security in openness, for what else do people have to take away from me or accuse me of when I have already laid it out there for everyone to see? There is no secrecy, there is no guilt, there is no tension between what the mind knows and what the Self experiences.
Conversely, I find that the more closed I am—the more I deny myself of my thoughts and feelings—the more vulnerable and exposed I feel. It’s like I’m always second-guessing others and myself, always paranoid about whether my words were revealing much more than they should, always tiptoeing, afraid of stepping on broken glass and hurting myself. But then, you see? The act of hiding, the act of tiptoeing, the act of denying—that, in itself, is hurtful. It’s hurtful not only to me, but also to the people whom I hold dear. Nobody likes to be around a volcano that’s always about to erupt.
COURAGE COMES IN DIFFERENT SHAPES
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
AFTER A WHILE...
After a while, you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security.
And you learn to understand that kisses aren't promises
And you begin to accept defeats with your head held up high and your eyes open,
with the grace of a woman, not a grief of a child.
You learn to build up your own road of today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain
And the future has a way of falling down in midflights
After a while you learn that sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
That you really are strong
And that you really have worth
And that you keep learning
with every goodbye...
YOU LEARN......
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Excerpt from "The Purpose-Driven Life"
Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.
Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger.
Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough and know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate! Don't regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr/Mrs Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr Wrong because your biological clock is ticking. Learn a new skill. Find a new friend. Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won.
Only a price to be paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.
To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.
To make yourself happy, pursue your passions and be the best of what you can be.
Simplify your life.
Take away the clutter. Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.
Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself. Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.
Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.
Write poetry. Love Deeply. Walk barefoot. Dance with wild abandon. Cry at the movies.
Take care of yourself.
Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life. You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.
It is true that life does not get easier with age. It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions. Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in your God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!
When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back.
Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E because the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
MEANING
I went through my blog and was aghast when I found I hadn’t posted this poem ever. This is one literary work I wish I had written. I have a copy of this above my bedside table to neutralize my neurotic mind. Haha. Seriously, this is food for the soul.---P.S. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t read this.
Disederata
Written by Max Ehrrmann in the 1920’s
Go placidly amidst the noise and the haste
And remember what peace there may be in silence
As far as possible, without surrender,
Be on good terms with all persons
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
And listen to others,
Even to the dull and the ignorant;
They too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
They are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself to others,
You may become vain or bitter,
For always there will be greater or lesser persons than yourself.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
For the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
Many persons strive for high ideals,
And everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
For in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
It is as personal as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
Gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not stress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
Be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
No less than the trees and the stars;
You have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
The universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
Whatever you conceive him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
In the noisy confusion of life,
Keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
It is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Ease with Enya
There's nothing like the music of Enya to keep me calm and centered.
When I was in freshman year in college, I would play the album The Memory of Trees over and over again during the daily commute to and from school. That was about four months of listening to the songs almost everyday, and so I pretty much memorized the lyrics (the English ones, at least) and had their tunes ingrained in my subconscious.
I've graduated to other Enya albums since then, but my love affair with this kind of music continues.
In case you have a few minutes to spare, or toward the end of a frenetic day, take the time to view these videos and let the music and the images sink in.
Storms in Africa
My favorite Enya song of all time! If I could have it my way, I'd have this song playing during the recessional of my wedding ceremony.
Orinico Flow
Who doesn't know this, right? "Sail away, sail away, sail away..."
Caribbean Blue
I love the watercolor-ish, Waking Life-ish, super trippy (*wink*) approach to this video.
On My Way Home
Found at the end of the Memory of Trees album, this, indeed, was what I used to play on my way home from school over 10 years ago.
Watermark
A wonderful, wonderful song... Wasn't this associated with a De Beers commercial once? Whatever it was, it always makes me think of sparkling diamonds, or rain--depending on my mood, really. (I love the Claude Monet art on this one.)
Wild Child
I had a copy of A Day Without Rain shortly after graduating from college, and my work friends and I used to play this from our shared cubicle after the end of a really stressful day. For some reason, my friend Richard used to think this song really fit me.
MEET JOE BLACK
I watched this movie (again!) the other night and I still got goose bumps all over. This is one movie that gives you the ultimate lesson in life. It’s about a wealthy businessman, Bill Parrish (played by no less than ANTHONY HOPKINS) who received a visit from a mysterious stranger, Joe Black (BRAD PITT) who later revealed himself as DEATH. In exchange for extra time, Bill agreed to serve as Joe’s earthly guide but he was soon faced with an untimely dilemma when Joe unexpectedly fell in love with his beautiful daughter Susan (Claire Forlani).
What I love most about this film is the way DEATH himself (Joe Black) succumbed to the power of LUUUUUVVE. It’s quite endearing to see him let his guard down and just hopelessly fell victim to a more powerful phenomenon that is LOVE. And in the end, he did the ultimate act of selflessness by letting go of Susan even if his heart (even I am surprised to know that he’s got one!) bled to take her with him.
On the other hand, when Bill Parrish realized that his time here on earth is nearing its end, all he cared about was spending more time with his 2 daughters. Forget about the multi-million dollar company that he spent his entire life building….or the lavished parties that are attended by a bunch of suck-up executives who couldn’t give a rat’s ass about him. In the end, what mattered most to him was his family.
Well, that’s how it is with us in the real world, isn’t it? We oftentimes lose the plot and we are constantly on a mission to obtain something shallow---like getting that promotion…or paying the mortgage off…or purchasing that new BMW…getting another diamond jewelry….or buying the latest LOUIS VUITTON purse---whatever it is, we rarely endeavor to have a more grounded lifestyle.
But there you have it! This movie says it all. At the end of the day, money still can’t provide us with unadulterated bliss. But the beautiful memories that we share with our loved ones will take us beyond life and the universe. After all, isn’t that what were here in this world for?---TO TOUCH AS MANY LIVES AS WE POSSIBLY CAN… --
QUOTE OF THE DAY
We live like actors in a play who are given only one line at a time, going through the motions without understanding the full story. But when you get in touch with your soul, you see the whole script for the drama. You understand. You still participate in the story, but now you participate joyously, consciously, and fully. You can make choices based on knowledge and born out of freedom. Each moment takes on a deeper quality that comes from appreciation of what it means in the context of your life.~ Deepak Chopra in SynchroDestiny
Monday, May 12, 2008
Anger, Despair, and Hope in the Time of Rendition
One ordinary Friday night, I came face to face with the kind of anger and despair that I didn’t realize I had in me. It was the kind that made me cry for people I did not know, for faces I did not see, for a society I did not understand. It made me question the pillars of my existence—everything that I had based my life upon—and it made me see the pettiness of human life. What is the point of all this?, I cried out. Nothing could comfort me then; these thoughts still haunt me until now.
I was watching Rendition, the 2007 film about an Egyptian immigrant to the United States who is abducted by the CIA for being suspected of having links to an Islamic terrorist group. Reese Witherspoon, one of my favorite actresses, plays Isabella El-Ibrahimi, the distraught and very pregnant wife of Egyptian Anwar El-Ibrahimi (Omar Metwally), who seems to have disappeared from his flight home without a trace. Jake Gyllenhaal plays Douglas Freeman, a CIA analyst whose job it is to “secure information” about Anwar’s suspected terrorist links and their activities—no matter what it takes. Meryl Streep plays the cold, calculating, and unfeeling CIA boss, Corinne Whitman, who ensures that nothing about Anwar’s whereabouts or the CIA’s underground activities leak out to the public.
I shall not go into plot details here; I admit that there were times when I was too caught up in my own reflections to pay full attention to how the story unfolded. Nonetheless, I was riveted and engaged for most of the movie—to the point where everything seemed very real and close to home. And then the tears started falling.
At first, the tears were for all those men and women who have sacrificed their loved ones to the bitterness of war—to battles with neither principled death nor honorable victory, to horrors and pains without justification or absolution. Then I started wailing like I never had before, because I realized that no matter what we do, the killing will never stop. Rich and powerful countries will always find a way to wield power and force over those of us at the bottom of the food chain. Children will continue to die because of hunger and malnutrition and treatable diseases—causes that could be addressed with political will. Religious and societies and cultures will continue to exclude each other and try to justify acts that are ultimately uncalled for. All this while tiny circles of wealth go around the world in their yachts, eating the freshest, most exotic food and sipping the best wine. All this while teenaged brats prance around in their hot cars, flashing extensions of Daddy’s card and racking up luxury purchases that would already be enough to send an impoverished child (who did not choose to be born that way) to University. All this while coke fiends fill the party scene and crowd the already-overpopulated country with their meaningless, pitiful existence.
What is the meaning of all this?? I asked myself. You think your life is important—you think what you’re doing and the people you’re meeting are important—but what are you doing to stop the madness? What are you doing to feed or clothe one more person, to send one more child to school, to make sure that people don’t die meaningless deaths? What is your life really all about??
Silence.
I realized that what I’m doing now—whatever that is—still isn’t enough.
It was the most depressing thought in the world, at 3 A.M.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE by Maya Angelou
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE..
Friday, May 9, 2008
Quote of the Day
When we renounce our dreams we find peace and enjoy a brief period of tranquility, but the dead dreams begin to rot inside us and infect the whole atmosphere in which we live. What we hoped to avoid in the Good Fight—disappointment and defeat—become the sole legacy of our cowardice.
~ Paulo Coelho, The Pilgrimage
Saturday, May 3, 2008
RECLAIMING AN OLD (BUT TRUE) LOVE
There are some things that we mustn’t ever do—like hold on to something that isn’t working out anymore, pine for an old flame that will never be rekindled, or stay stuck in the past when there are so many wonderful things to look forward to in the present and the future. But there are those times when love is just too strong to ever deny—and when the opportunity presents itself for true love to bloom once more.
Last night, in a place where sunlight filters in through the windows and lights up the courtyards during the day and where night unveils a buzz of activity that is both exhilarating and soothing, I reconnected with an old flame. It was something I had been hiding from these past few months; I flirted with the idea around a year ago, but I chickened out and tried to deny my real feelings. But every encounter would light up a memory so vivid I could almost see, touch, taste, smell, hear, and feel it again. Every reminder of that old life would tug at me so strongly that there was no way I could deny it anymore. It was yet another string of coincidences, another episode of “Seeing Signs” that Mr. Coelho would definitely acknowledge as real. It was in my mind, in my soul, in my blood. And last night, I came home.
Por eso, este año, empezaré a una aventura magnífica que seguramente encende otra vez a las emociones que ha sido guardado celosamente en la profundidad de mi alma. Esta aventura no será de amor erótica—será una viaje encantada sobre los caminos de la cultura española, así como las palabras, los sonidos, los imagenes, y las sensaciones que yo perdía—y después discubrí otra vez. No hay punto en escapar de este camino. Estoy enamorada, estoy apasionada… y nadie, especialmente no yo mismo, puede separarnos para siempre.
After all, it is emblazoned on my skin, for as long as I live, and for the whole world to see, las palabras eternas del gran escritor Federico Garcia Lorca: «Lo que mas me importa… es vivir…»
