You’re Special

I came across a post on John Mayer’s blog this morning. In it, he talks about the disease of self-consciousness, although what I think he’s really talking about is the over-reaching effects of ego identification.

We live in a culture that celebrates mediocrity and he’s right when he says that we’ve all grown up being told how special we are, how talented, beautiful, intelligent and how we really can do anything. John seems to believe that we’re all rather ordinary (”beautifully unspectacular,”) but I think he misses the point.

I don’t believe anyone is ordinary. To get metaphysical, we’re all divine beings here, we just don’t seem to recognize that. Instead, we’re trapped in an endless cycle of comparison and consumption and never feeling good enough but still striving for that golden ring of success, fame, wealth. As if that is the answer to not feeling special enough.

American culture especially dangles that carrot in front of us, alternately telling us that we deserve the best of everything while also letting us know that we just don’t measure up until we reach an Oprah-level of success. It’s really where all that self-help ideology (”You can do and be anything you dream”) originated from—trying to get people to start accepting and loving themselves. Unfortunately, the dream got twisted into everyone trying to get everyone else to recognize, admire and love them. Hence, you have 5-year-olds being paraded around in makeup and satin ballgowns, all on the rocky road to fame and fortune.

Along with reading John’s post, I came across a video of Paris Hilton attempting to bellydance at the televised Miss Turkey pageant, for which she was a celebrity judge. She was awkward and uncomfortable onstage and proved how mediocre she is. At the same time, she proved that even without great talent or beauty or intelligence, she can still have a stratospheric amount of recognition and money and a bonafide successful career.

After all, I (and millions of other people) took 3 minutes out of our day to marvel at her ridiculous dancing. I’ve also read enough about Paris to know that her grandmother repeatedly told her as she was growing up, “You’re going to be more famous than Marilyn Monroe. You’re going to become the most famous woman in the world.” Granny wasn’t wrong, but couldn’t she have just given Paris some hugs and cookies?

To complete my celebrity trifecta, I then read this quote from Madonna in Q Magazine. “What else is there for me to conquer? Hopefully my ego. How will I know when I’ve succeeded? When I stop caring what anyone thinks.”

She’s right. Of course, Madonna does have the luxury of her own enormous wealth and fame to not care anymore what anyone thinks and kick her ego’s ass. She’s certainly proven that she’s conquered the system. But considering she’s stumping for her latest album, Hard Candy, by showing off how fabulous she still looks at fifty, I’d say it only gets harder to not care what people think the more successful you get.

So how do you feel special if you’re not famous or gorgeous or rich or wearing the right clothes and carrying the “It” bag or having a successful career in the public eye? How can anyone really be happy with less than 100,000 MySpace friends? If no one’s talking about you or reading your blog or paparazzi-hounding you, how can you be a vital and important part of society? If you don’t have your own reality show or sex tape, then are you really real?

To anyone who buys into any of the above bullshit and that’s exactly what is it—bullshit—I send you all my love and caring because yes, you are so freaking special, every last one of you down to every last bit of you. You don’t have to do or be or prove anything for it. And next time I see you, I’ll happily give you a hug, and maybe even a cookie, if I could just figure how to work this damn oven out.