WHAT TINDER TAUGHT ME ABOUT DATING AND HUMANITY...OK MAYBE JUST DATING.

Ok, everyone is abuzz about it, and I know I’m late to the party. But the other day, I said to my productivity, “Hey, workflow, let’s take an unexpected 2 hour break and check this sucker out.”
For anyone who doesn’t yet know what I’m talking about, ‘this sucker’ is Tinder: a ‘dating’ app that’s like if hotornot.com (remember that?!) had a lovechild with match.com. And Candy Crush might also be the father.

Basically it’s a location-based app that pulls info from your Facebook to create your profile, and then pulls up ‘matches’ that meet your age/sex/location criteria. All you see of these potential matches are a few photos, any mutual friends or interests (according to your FB profile) and one tagline. Then you ‘swipe right’ if you find them attractive, and left if you don’t (bonus: when you swipe left you get a satisfying stamp across their picture that says ‘NOPE.’) It’s slightly vain and shallow but it's also addictive. From there, if you also fall into their criteria (age, sex, distance) and they find you attractive, you match. Then you can chat, swap numbers, meet up, get Catfished, etc.

Naturally, I had a lot of questions: What are people doing on here? Is anyone normal? Is it just a hookup app? Has anyone actually ended up with someone this way? Is it too superficial? Dangerous? WILL I BE THE FIRST TINDER MARRIAGE?

The danger aspect really got me. The fact that you can tell when someone is “less than a kilometer away” made me believe that I was one mis-swipe away from ending up in some guy named Xenon’s trunk never to be seen again and all because he had a cheeky tagline and a photo of a puppy in his profile pic.

But, I’m dramatic.

What started out as an experiment got me thinking about what this app says about dating in general. Is Tinder simply a microcosm of what we do in real life (p.s. that’s what its creators profess)? File people away as attractive or unattractive, make split second decisions based on minimal facts, trust complete strangers? Do we really need to know tons of information about someone to know if they're a good match?

Thus, I drafted a list of Tinder truths... many of which are true about dating in general. AKA What Tinder Taught Me About Life and Dating:

1. If you didn’t know you had a type: you do. Hence the quick-fire way you can absolutely HATE or love someone’s face.
2. There is no smooth way to start a conversation with a total stranger with whom the only thing you have in common is the belief that you both are not ugly.
3. It’s okay to dislike someone based solely off of the Facebook friend that you have in common.
4. There is always a wrong way to spell a name. Future parents take note: you thought Craig couldn’t be messed up? Think again: I just saw a Kreagg.
5. Guys have apparently not learned that it might be misleading or confusing to highlight pictures of them with their nieces or nephews.
6. A clever one liner goes a LONG way.
7. If the main photo is of two guys, the actual guy will ALWAYS be the less cute one.
8. You never get a second chance at a first impression.
9. Apparently 80% of men like to “work hard, play hard,” travel, and are on a hunt for an INTELLIGENT girl to have sex with or they are looking for cool people to hang with which basically means the same thing.
10. NEVER trust a man who can take a better selfie than you. Never.
11. Take this as an opportunity to delete profile pictures that you didn’t know you had of you and your ex. Nothing more confusing than a Tinder pic of a guy snuggled up to a girl. The same goes for “interests” you may not know you have selected on Facebook. I just saw a guy with whom the only thing we had in common was our shared interest in Buitoni Pasta. What?!
12. Having hot friends makes you seem more attractive.
13. Everyone loves traveling! And working out! And trying new things! And food!
14. This probably says less about my physique and more about my time-wasting issues and imminent carpal tunnel, but it is remarkable to realise that over 400 men in Sydney have looked at my picture and decided it was decent enough to swipe right.
15. I don’t feel more attractive now than I did a year and a half ago, because now I have matches and messages to validate my looks. Having tons of offers for drinks, dinner, coffee or SEX (mostly sex) does not make me feel desired or even flattered.
16. Men are just as frustrated as women. Apparently, womankind is just as guilty of being sleazy as our male counterpart. There’s the chick who is in a relationship but is really bored of her bf so she’s finding solace on tinder; or the chick who is not DTF but invites the boy over to her place in the middle of the night on a Saturday; or the teenage girl who is currently on her quest to master the art of pleasuring a man orally because she wants to be in a very loving and committed relationship when she grows up; and of course there’s the webcam chick who spams the poor unsuspecting guy’s inbox after hitting her with a resounding ‘let’s have sex’ pick-up line.
17. Men, like most women who are attracted to assholes, are attracted to bad bitches. They make an effort to have a conversation with you and would eventually score you a dinner invite when they know your sweet and naïve persona is yet to be unfolded. Their objective fundamentally remains the same but their approach changes.
18. Needy men everywhere! Apparently it’s rude to not reply to a message within an hour of them sending it. They get very upset and would virtually give you a very detailed and profound send-off.
19. Practically everyone you know is on tinder. Your friends are on tinder. Your relatives are on tinder. Your neighbours are on tinder. Married people are on tinder. I matched with 2 dogs and a cupcake. Your ex-boyfriend’s friends are on tinder. And even more shocking, they swiped right on your pic! Yes, I know. I swiped right for them as well but only because I was curious.
20. If someone is less than a kilometer away, put your phone down slowly--very slowly--and run for your life (okay this one is just me).

Regardless of what your tinder experience might be, mine has been for the most part entertaining and ironically empowering. It made me appreciate where I’m at right now and how much my priorities have changed. Though I’m open to falling in love again, LOVING ME is not such a bad thing after all.

The whole tinder experience also gave me an insight on how the sheer amount of repression and suppression required for living in the context of this hook-up culture teaches young adults not to feel at all. Consequently, I have realised how much I want to go back to basics. I'm all for tradition and romance. I want to find a guy, lock eyes with him and fall madly in love. I don't want the first image of him to be a 'fully sick' photograph with his top off showing me his 'mad abs' that he's been taking 'roids to get.'' But for what it’s worth, tinder is an app - like candy crush and trivia crack- and you can always delete it.